Starting over

It’s true. You only get one shot at raising your family.

Mostly.

Because if you’re us, and you have two distinct sets of children that you’re charged with raising, you get the general equivalent of a second chance. One more shot to do it all over. The good stuff. The bad stuff. The sleepless nights, the first steps, the potty fails, the tea parties, the classic stories, the temper tantrums, the goodnight kisses. All of it.

It means one more season where Daddy is a hero, where a kiss makes it all better, where a cookie can make or break a day. It means revisiting a time that is more physically exhausting, yes, but more innocent and simple, too. Simple faith. Simple problems. Simple love.

Most importantly, it means getting the chance to use the hard-won hindsight gained in parenting the kids who are now teens to correct some of those regrets we find ourselves carrying in regards to how we parented the early years. To be a bit more patient with the baby who doesn’t take well to sleeping through the night, yes. To realize that a 3 year-old who insists on her way isn’t doomed to being a dominant, rude 16 year-old. To hand out more praise and less correction, and to offer more chances to fail rather than making sure things are just right.

All of this has been just a part of the unexpected gift of being Momma2.0. The other part?

Doing all of those amazing things, again, the exact same way.

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One of the biggest things I don’t regret with my older kids is the time invested in homeschooling them. I bump knees at the dinner table with a 13 year-old young man taller than myself, and I don’t for a second want to take back the hours spent holding my hand over his as he learned to write his name in cursive. I hear my 16 year-old daughter contemplating independence, and I am not sad that I spent a whole year crafting our study of American history around the American Girl dolls. Instead, I am grateful. I am grateful that I had the chance then, and I am oh so grateful that I have the chance now.

Different children, different perspective … same heart.

I’m years older than most moms starting out with a fresh kindergartener, and far less likely to latch on to the newest, biggest, most touted. There are so many options out there for homeschoolers. So many books and videos and materials that promise to make your child the smartest, brightest, most well-rounded, most Christian kid on the block. The truth is, in my other life as a curriculum reviewer, I had the chance to try out just about everything coming and going. Math programs, reading lists, full curricula, spelling, videos, Latin … you name it, I’ve used it. And I found some gems. But you know what?

Most of it is all bell, no whistle. Or all flash and no pan.

So when it was time to start thinking about exactly what it was we wanted to do with our next batch of learners, we looked back over our first experience and went with what worked–with what accomplished our goals. After all, we’re pretty pleased with how things are looking with the older kids so far. Mary Hannah had no problem navigating Bastyr University’s doula training program, placed quite easily into a French 5 class after her dad’s instruction, and is known by everyone in our community as an honest, hardworking, trustworthy young lady of God. Mathaus is shaping up to be a fine young man with a brilliant mind, a creative spirit, and a keen eye towards discerning God’s will in his life. Jack is just starting middle school, but he’s already got a handle on what he wants to do with his life, and how he thinks he can best get there. All three of them profess faith in Christ and show the fruit of this commitment.

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Contrary to what most curriculum developers want you to believe, we didn’t get where we are today by memorizing math facts or using a $200 phonics program. As a matter of fact, I am pretty convinced that we could have seen the same growth in our kids for free.

In other words, the materials we chose didn’t make or break our homeschool. The relationship we purposefully cultivated with each one did. The books, the crafts, the field trips … they were just tools. Something to enrich the time we spent together, talking, playing, living our life. We didn’t have the wisdom to fully realize this truth as we put our feet to the path of homeschooling, but years on, I can tell you it’s true. What makes homeschooling so powerful is the relationship cultivated, and the bonds formed.

With all this in mind, our little ones are enjoying essentially the same learning experiences that their older siblings had. We’re using Sonlight 4/5 as a spine, building on the excellent books with plenty of hands-on learning in other areas. Math is often counting sessions with beans, constructing images with tangrams, or finding patterns with unifix cubes. Science revolves around some of our favorite books (the One Small Square series, Magic School Bus) and the daily blitz of curious questions fired at me by children whose access to the natural world is fairly open-ended. They learn to read by hearing stories about letters to reinforce their sounds (ie, Waldorf style) and, eventually, by cozying up next to Momma on the couch with a slice of banana bread or a bowl of popcorn and our dog-eared copy of Teach Your Child to Read in 100 EZ lessons. There are songs, there is art (constantly, incessantly, without ceasing). There are voyages in person and via video.

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And in it all, there is togetherness. Questions are answered, topics discussed, games are played, bread baked, skills mastered.

Learning. Intentionally. But almost by accident.

The best way, as it turns out.

Shared here:

Missional Women
Womanhood With Purpose


Lets Homeschool Highschool

(For more on how we homeschool high school, see our next post!)

 

10 thoughts on “Starting over

  1. I love this, too. We use An Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Teaching Reading and I marked the date in pencil on each page as Sam worked through it. Sadie and I are near it’s end and her date marks are right under Sam’s. Miriam’s dates will start in September. It will be one of my most treasured books of all time- memories of us sitting side by side, celebrating the successes and encouraging through the words that just didn’t come easily. I’m going to have trouble parting with our school books one day…so maybe I won’t. It’s not about the books- it’s about those memories of our time together.

  2. This was a great post!. Thanks for sharing it. I love my season. I am a grandmama, mother in law x2, children in my teens, twenties, thirties, and now forties! I am pregnant with my 12th! Dh and I joke that we get to start again and this time we are surely going to get it right! lol! I am bookmarking your site, please continue to blog, I need a friend!

    Hugs!

    • We take nothing for granted in parenting, trust me. We WISH there was a Guarantee To Produce Perfect Adults formula. If you find one, let us know!

  3. Hi Heather,

    It’s Jackie again, stopping by from the Let’s Homeschool High School January Blog Hop.

    We tried many different styles of homeschooling over the years and unschooling is one my daughter enjoyed the most. She is still basically an unschooler, but she does use Time4Learning’s High School courses.

    When she was a little girl starting school, I remember her father and I telling her kinder teacher that the most important thing we considered in her education was that she have firm foundation and relationship with God. I see fruit from that seed in her life. And I know all the fun field trips, hands-on activities, and hours of reading to her were not only worth it, but built a strong bond between us. Thanks for reminding me of those special memories.

    Joyfully,
    Jackie
    Let’s Homeschool High School Admn.
    http://letshomeschoolhighschool.com/blog/2014/01/01/homeschool-high-school-january-2014-blog-hop/#.UtDCbfRPdYV

    • I consider Mary Hannah mostly an unschooled at this point, if only because my Involvement is so rare and she sets her own pace, decides what she needs, etc. We consider it our purpose to work ourselves out of a job with our children– to ensure that they have the skills needed to live a godly life on their own. I had no idea what that would look like in terms of high school, but I am thrilled to see this level of dedication and skill in her!

  4. That was beautiful. We all need the reminder that building relationships with our children is the most important thing. Thank you.

    • It’s easy to forget the relationship amidst all the pressure to make sure our kids are the smartest on the block, isn’t it?

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