Homeschooling through hardship

The temptation, as parents, is to grab fast to every happening, circumstance, and speed bump as it enters our family’s life and worry it until it falls apart in our hands like dry clay:

How will we manage to parent a preschooler with twins on the way?

Moving away from our support network was worst thing we’ve ever done.

What will we do with less money in every check?

It’s because we had that awful season in our marriage.

Is she like this because I checked out when I had post-partum depression?

Homeschooling parents have an added wrinkle. We not only obsess over our failings as parents, but as educators, too. And the mix, frankly, can be debilitating.

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Somewhere between the Every Parent’s Jobs of teaching stranger danger, awareness of social cues, decent work ethic, good character, basic hygiene, healthy boundaries, and the rest of the exhausting list of stuff we are naturally required to do, we’ve also elected to take on spelling, math, grammar, geography, and the like. And then, somewhere along the way, the dream is shattered by reality. A child is sick. A spouse leaves. A livelihood is threatened. A season of depression knocks on the door. An aging parent needs to move in. The house catches fire.

The list of potential dream-stealers is endless. In nearly a decade and a half of homeschooling, I have heard countless traumas shake the foundations of families right to their core. And I have held the hands of many friends as they have agonized not just over the practical aspects of picking up the pieces, but as they have regretted the dust of the upheaval months, weeks, years later in their homeschool.

Myself, I look at a long season of darkness in my own heart and see the ripple effect it caused in my older children. And now, being fresh from yet another wound, I ponder the aftershocks and wonder at just how I am supposed to make all of this okay.

Not just the process of making new friends (again), soothing the loss, dealing with culture shock, reverse culture shock, devastated parents, jet lag, loss of belongings, acclimating to a new place, and navigating another set of regional norms. I also worry over missed math concepts, reading lessons cut short, books lost, science experiments undone.

In a perfect world, none of this would be on my plate, let alone theirs. And yet, here it is. We’re playing catch up after months of transition. How will this impact their futures?

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The big picture answer, of course, is that God knew. None of this– right down to the long pause in algebra instruction– was a surprise to Him. He allowed this season to be written into the story of our family, and that alone ought to be enough to give comfort to an anxious Momma’s heart.

And yet, of course, we want more. We want to know that all of this comes out in the wash, that our circumstances don’t cause hurdles down the road that bring our children to hard places they might otherwise have skipped over. We want to know that spending six months in the waiting room of life while the family learned the vocabulary of an existence with chemotherapy as part of the picture won’t cripple our high schooler’s hopes for college. At the bare minimum, we want to know that losing the home we thought would be ours forever won’t condemn our kids, forever, to the ranks of the illiterate.

We want to know, as the next chapters unfold, that we can buy back the time, repair the gaps, and move forward into a future that won’t always carry the scars of this messy place in which we find ourselves languishing.

For us, homeschooling has provided that comfort. Even as a whole chunk of “school year” has been claimed by a whirlwind of loss and interruption, I look at the people around me reclaiming their equilibrium and I know that were it not for the consistency and the flexibility of a life built around learning in our own home (wherever that may be), the wreckage and recovery from this journey would be much, much worse.

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True, John Mark should, by rights, be farther along in his ability to decode more complex sentences. Jack started the well ahead of grade-level in mathematics, and is now finding himself right on target. Mathaus has faithfully plugged along through his schedule, but without the benefit of the many rabbit trails I had planned for him. Birdie’s potential has been largely steered into busywork; the wherewithal to give her the “PreK” experience she could so easily handle just hasn’t been present.

But … but …

My kids have been spared the additional trauma of bouncing between schools and tripping over changing standards and expectations and navigating the nuances of entirely new-to-you learning environments. And I can’t tell you how happy I am for that. I see the residue of hardship clinging to the coattails of each of my children, and I am grateful that this, at least, has not been necessary for them.

They are coming out of it– all of it. Birdie is just as eagerly learning her letters today, at a new school table, as she would have been earlier this fall. John Mark, it turns out, has taken to asking others when he comes upon words he doesn’t know. Mathaus has invested more time in his music pursuits than I had planned, resulting in a more balanced student than my own scheduling had allowed for. In other words … life– and school– has gone on.

So, if you find yourself either knee-deep in a hard place, shaking the dust of one from your skirts, or just now wading in, I encourage you to hold tight to the calling of home education if your circumstances allow. Are there some situations which absolutely preclude homeschooling? Yes, I believe there are. And no, I don’t feel qualified to judge anyone else’s season and choices in that vein. But I do think that throwing in the towel isn’t the answer for many families. Instead, maintaining the routine of a known quantity can be the balm everyone needs. Take a break if need be (many people recommend this), or, if you prefer, continue to work steadily as life allows (that’s our approach). Investigate new options (online classes, workbooks, tutors), take a unit study approach, mix things up, rely on audiobooks, ask a trusted friend to step in … whatever it takes to keep you and yours afloat.

But most of all, shift your view. Remember that the success or failure of homeschooling isn’t based on the outcome of a single day, but rather on the cumulative effects of years of highs and lows. Even families laid low by the effects of a debilitating event have memories of that perfect family vacation where everything went right. So, too, do homeschools have years wasted on bi-weekly car trips to an ailing grandmother’s house right alongside that season where history came alive and made a life-long impact. Remember this. Don’t fall victim to the fear of failure that plagues your days and robs you of the joy of teaching your own.

Hardship will leave a mark on your children. It will. It was never your job to make the days seamless in the first place. Embrace the gift of walking through the ugly bits of life together, and see what God writes with your offerings. I pray that you– and I– will be surprised with the ending of the story.

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2 thoughts on “Homeschooling through hardship

  1. As usual, an excellent post, full of hope and encouragement and grace in the midst of the mire, muck, and madness of life. Thank you for sharing.

    ~Luke

  2. I have been hinting at this to myself all this year, albeit much less articulately. It is so very re-affirming to hear it coming so eloquently from you. Thank you!

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