“My husband is an idiot and I can’t stand my kids”

True story: one of the most discouraging times of my life as a wife and mother was made dramatically worse– not better— by my involvement in a women’s Bible study.

It had been a long, hard season of slogging for my family. We had been wading through tight finances, lost babies, and health dramas. I had been poured out, again and again, and the little bit that remained of my spirit was battered and bruised.

The morning of the first meeting, I found myself assigned to a table of women I knew only peripherally despite my years in the church. There were several stages of life represented in our little group: a few retired, older women, a couple of new moms, several floating in the same general age range as me. I had come looking not only for Biblical wisdom and teaching, but also for fellowship. I needed a group of women to wrap their arms around me and pull me up, to remind me that at the end of the day, God was good, my service to my family was valuable, and that I was not wasting my life in the small, mind-numbing details of running a home on a budget so tight it pinched every line item.

idiot

I knew right away that I was going to find something very different around that table. I was in the middle of explaining that I had never participated in a group study because I had young children when I was stopped short by one of the slightly older moms.

“You will love Bible Study!” she smiled.

“Yes!” agreed the smartly dressed woman next to her. “Child care! Two hours of freedom!”

I was shocked. The feeling I had fought back as I had left Phineas in the classroom for 1 year-olds wasn’t “freedom.” It was a mixture of guilt over handing him off to strangers tinged with remorse that I would miss his sweet smile and big blue eyes. I had almost–almost— asked if I couldn’t just let him sit on my lap while we studied, but then I’d noticed that no one else was walking in to the classroom space with children.

“How many kids do you have?” the woman next to me asked.

Grateful for the chance to slink away from the concept of leaving my kids as “freedom,” I told her about my four beautiful children. Before I could begin to explain my soul-shattering struggle with loss, she cut me off.

“Four? Oh my gosh. I have two, and that’s plenty,” she began.

“I have four, too. I am just so glad they are finally able to clean up after themselves!” added another woman.

“I have three and I never get a minute to myself.”

Before the ice breaker activity started, I knew everything I needed to know about the women gathered around me. They all– every one— had something to say about their children… none of it positive. Their kids were whiners. Lazy. Had bad attitudes. Thought the world revolved around them. Took tons of time. Denied them the ability to sleep late. Lied. Wanted expensive clothes. Kept them from being able to enjoy adult life. Were finally grown and able to live under their own roof.

They had even less to say in the way of praise for their husbands. Each and every one moaned sympathetically when the table leader shared that she had almost been late because her husband hadn’t packed his own lunch the night before.

“I told him there was lunch meat in the fridge and bread in the pantry. He’s a big boy. He can fend for himself,” she laughed proudly.

“My husband wouldn’t know what to do with it,” joked another woman.

“Mine is hopeless in a kitchen.”

On and on it went: the tearing down of men and children, the vilification of anyone unfortunate enough to have been born male or, heaven forbid, in need of nuturing. By the time the video teaching session by a popular Christian author began (ironically, on the topic of being a good wife) I was feeling even darker and less full than I had when I had dragged myself through the door.

Maybe they are right, I pondered. Maybe everyone does ask too much of me. Maybe I need more of that “me time” I hear about everywhere. I don’t see it in the Bible, but maybe God just neglected to mention it? If all these church women are able to show up every week looking refreshed, maybe they know something I don’t?

I spent the intervening week in a different mindset. With each need presented to me, I found myself weighing whether I was really supposed to be the person meeting it. Didn’t I just give that child a snack? Didn’t I do the dishes at breakfast? Couldn’t he manage a little more laundry? Why was I always getting interrupted? 

You can guess what the end result looked like: frustrated Momma, unhappy children, and a dissatisfied husband.

I lasted exactly one more session in that Bible Study before I realized that the refreshment I sought was not to be found in that particular setting. The table leaders never called to see why I suddenly quit turning up; I guess it was obvious that I was hungering for something different than what was being served.

 

I was a tired wife. The last thing I needed was a reason to despise my husband.

I was a hurting mother. I didn’t need to be told that my children were a burden.

I needed encouragement for the road, not a new reason to chafe.

I admit, the practice of making jokes at the expense of husbands leaves me seeing red. And the snarky, “children are a pain,” comments? Just as bad.

You see, each time we open our mouths and make light of our blessings, we not only mock the hand that so carefully chose the players in our story, but we also give weaker sisters cause to stumble.

Young women adjusting to their role as wives. New mothers struggling to define themselves within this fierce, consuming love they have just encountered. Ladies whose husbands are doing their best to keep the finances afloat but not quite cutting it. Women whose children have broken their hearts. The wife trying to let her husband lead. The Momma who knows in her gut that her child needs her. The single gal wondering if it’s worth it at all.

Society at large screams that marriage is akin to shackles, that men are clueless idiots,  that children aren’t worth the trouble. Shouldn’t our churches look different? Shouldn’t our women open their mouths and speak blessing, not curses– life, not death? Shouldn’t a gathering of women who follow Jesus give praise to Him for a husband who is flawed, yes … but perfectly chosen for the process of sanctification that is a life together? Shouldn’t it be that our children never hear us malign their fathers, or devalue them as hurdles to our own pleasures?

Our families are not perfect. Our marriages are not without trial. No husband is all things at all times. But focusing on the good, sharing encouragement, showing respect… these are simple steps to keeping our eyes focused on our gratitude, and mindful of the giver of all these good gifts. It takes a loud voice to drown out those who tear down their own houses. Shout it from the roof tops: “I love my husband and my children, and I am grateful to have the chance to be a wife and mother.” Say it. Mean it. Show it.

You don’t know who you’ll encourage. It may even be yourself.

119 thoughts on ““My husband is an idiot and I can’t stand my kids”

  1. An excellent post. Although I think that we all have to have a space where we can share the down side of life, we need to lift those up and be respectful. I’m always more thankful for my family when I leave a group like you’ve experienced. And reminded to watch what I say least I be dragged down with them.

      • Heather
        I just wanted to encourage you. It’s not easy to be a wife or mother but I think it’s so great that even though you are tired , you see the beauty in being a mother
        It’s not easy to be a mom or a wife but God sees you and loves you thru the fatigue and discouragement and will give you strength
        Sometimes in places where we least expect it
        God Bless you and thanks for sharing…

    • I completely agree that talking negatively about our husbands and children is not okay. If I could just play devil’s advocate though. I think sometimes when some people are frustrated and unhappy with the way things are going they can tend to maybe overshare or be a dramatic about what they’re unhappy with. I love my husband and children and am grateful God has blessed me with them. However, there have been times when my husband and I have been in a particularly hard season or parenting has been extremely frustrating and I have overshared information with a group of fellow wives and moms. Later on I felt guilty about speaking about my husband or children in a negative way and wished that I wouldn’t have said the things I did. I don’t like to speak negatively about my blessings but it just came from a place of frustration. It’s like I’m struggling on the inside and then I have a whole lot of word vomit because of the frustration.
      Like I said, I completely agree that speaking negatively about them is wrong but this post almost can come across like you have a “holier than thou” attitude. Sometimes we can catch people in weak moments and see a side of them that isn’t appealing and I think a lot of us have been there. God extends His grace to us every single day so we should do the same. You never know when someone else’s struggles.

  2. While I agree with your distaste for husband and kid bashing, I think there is a missing thought here. The world believes that Christian people should be held to a higher standard of behavior because of their “preachy” attitudes. We, as Christians, know that Christians are fallen people in desperate need of grace. Here is a bible study focusing on becoming better wives. Here are women admitting that they need to become better wives by virtue of their attendance. Their behavior was far less than satisfactory with regards to the words and thoughts they expressed – it sounds just like the barrage of opinions expressed by our secular society. But there they are, showing up for an opportunity to learn to do better. “The Church” is a constant work in progress. It’s people are flawed and it’s execution of it’s duties as the hands and feet of Jesus are always in need of improvement. But if we, the church, the fallen people in need of grace, walk away from the body because of it’s flaws without offering grace, spiritual insights, and make no attempt to lift up others, we are just as much the problem. They didn’t call you to check in. Did you call them? Did you express your high opinion of your children and husband and breathe a breath of that beauty to these women who are obviously in need of a better perspective? I love your view of your family – what a blessing! Speak that blessing over those who are blinded by the deceptions of the world.

    • Right on! Grace for broken sisters is a round circle. I’ve been in Bible studies with women who appeared gracious and spoke well of their blessings but I came away feeling defeated because there was no acknowledgement that we all have dirt in our lives that needs washing by Jesus. True humility is found at the bottom of the cross. Husband bashers and those who only ever utter lovely words about their families are in equal need of grace.

      • We all need that grace, don’t we? Simply adjusting our tone and phrasing makes a massive difference. “Does anyone have any ideas doe helping me help my husband get his lunch together in the morning? I don’t have time right now to be in that role,” is lighthearted away from, “My husband is useless.”

    • I agree. When I read this I was somewhat dismayed. 1) Sometimes moms do need a break from their kids and if they’re taking it for Bible study, that’s not a bad thing. 2) Most women need permission to be positive about their lives as wives and mothers and she could have been a positive influence there. 3) Her expectations may have been way out of line. They’re just ladies who go to church, not perfect Christians going to a perfect church. Those kinds of people don’t need a savior.

      • I agree that sometimes, we need to step away from our families and seek refreshment. I also think that you hit the nail on the head with the phrase “permission to be positive.” So often, the expectation Is negativity. Knowing that you can share your good and seek encouragement for the bad is such a blessing amongst Christian women!

    • Titus 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.…”

      Maybe the older, or more spiritually mature women were missing from this group? Usually there needs to be a mature Christian leading these type of groups, pointing to the Bible, living by the Bible and encouraging others. No one is perfect, but women should grow and mature and become more Christ-like and then encourage others.

      It’s definitely not fun to constantly hear complaints from a group. It just seems like something was off and leadership was missing. But at some point we all have to grow and give back. A Mom of a preschooler can encourage a new Mom. A Mom of a college student can encourage a Mom of a teenager.

      And if as Moms we are so tired and wearied, we need to turn more to resting in and being refreshed by God daily, even if that means other things like cleaning, get neglected for a day.

      • I agree! We are all flawed, or we would have no need of salvation. But, the older women are to teach the younger women. As one of the “older” ones, I always state on the first day of a Bible Study that I am leading that we are here to encourage one another, to help one another grow, to be transparent. BUT – there will be NO man bashing. If my husband is doing something that drives me crazy, my response should be to ask the Lord for guidance on the correct way to respond to my husband.
        Tearing down is easy. Building up takes creativity.

    • I’m not sure that these type of women were necessarily admitting that they needed to become better wives by going to that particular study so much as they were using a Bible study as a break and a social time to air their grievances about their husbands and children. It is good that they were at a Bible study; hopefully the got something out of it, although if their motives for being there were not right or their hearts were not open to receive, it really wouldn’t have made much difference. In this case, the leader of the study probably should have guided the conversation away from what it was. I have been the one in the room who has only had good things to say about my children and my husband while others were talking poorly of theirs…but that would just bring on a barrage of “I wish my kids would be like that… I wish my husband was like yours…” and then would come even MORE complaints about their own children and husbands. And, like the author, I would have to leave that environment for fear of being sucked into that mentality, because let’s face it, for most of us (especially women!) it is so easy to get sucked in to gossip and slanderous talk! I know my limits, so I walk away from those situations. I think that is a healthy and wise decision! My children and husband are far from perfect, but no one except for maybe one or two people who I trust explicitly to intervene in prayer for our family when needed know any details of their imperfections. Everyone else gets the “they are not perfect (no details given), but they are amazing!” version. I would never want someone outside of our home to think poorly of them or to make them the object of gossip by telling about all of their faults, which is what those women were doing to their children and husbands. No, Christians are not perfect and need guidance as we struggle with this fallen world, but we really should be held to a little higher standard than non-Christians because we have a knowledge that they don’t…and we have accepted a certain amount of responsibility; although we don’t have to and shouldn’t pretend that we are perfect, because we are far from it, we can at least, as Christians, build one another up rather than tear one another apart, and that mentality starts with our husbands, our children, those closest too us. On another note, if someone leaves a Bible study, I think it would be appropriate for the leader of the study to call and say “we missed you at study last week, is everything o.k.?” Not all of us are so bold as to say “I’m leaving your study because I don’t like how you all talk about your children and husbands…” (is there really any good way to say that?). Some might take note and think “you know what, maybe she’s right,” but sadly, in my experience many would just think “wow, she thinks she’s better than us!” Oh how wonderful it would be if we could be sisters in Christ who don’t look upon one another that way (with jealousy and/or contempt), who can take Godly constructive criticism, who can resist the urge to gossip…but alas, we all too often allow the world and our fallen human nature to drag us down, when we need to strive to rise above! As far as acknowledgement that we all have dirt in our lives (ref. Alicia), yes…acknowledge that! But acknowledge your OWN dirt, not that of those around you; let them decide when and who to tell their shortcomings to! Why should I not only utter lovely words about my family? Yes, I need grace, but certainly not because I choose to speak highly of my husband and children!

    • Sure, the author Should/Could have reminded them that they were blessed, but what I’m hearing is that she was so done, she couldn’t. She was done. She was needing a little support for a while before she could begin to speak life back to them. I’ve been there. I know I need some help, but I’m too wasted to help anyone else in my same position. I needed to be around people that were doing better than me at the time.

      • ty, you are so right! I read this post as a little on the judgey side, but I failed to hear her say she was empty. And that is what was key about that. Everyone goes through a time, or multiple times, when they are so empty they literally can’t do anything. Women need to be taught how to meet other women where they are.

    • On one hand I agree that leaving may not have been the answer. However as a happily married woman who also has had good male friends I have learned that other women don’t want to hear about it. Many times I’ve been in groups of women who were male bashing and I’ve stood up for men saying that I find men to be good friends who have a lot of good qualities. The response has not been good. The women either start bashing me, saying that I’m as bad as the men or they say that I just don’t understand their pain or some other negative response. I learned to just keep my mouth shut. I don’t join in their bashing, I usually try to change the topic because it makes me uncomfortable.

    • I’d like to point out in the kindest way possible that your objection is appropriate for someone who is in a place of grace and strength, not weakness and brokenness. There is no condemnation for her to say she couldn’t take the tearing down of Christian culture – in a Christian Bible study. We DO want to be voices in the wilderness, but if it’s not there, you can’t try to drum it up and fake it. That’s just performance. So, my thoughts are that the author needs to be heard purely on the level that she’s talking about. =) Her caution is for us to beware how we speak to others, because we need to consider that we are planting seeds continuously, sowing either to the flesh or the spirit.

    • So true! Those women want to be heard so why not talk about what a blessing your life is. Be a light.

    • I understand your frustrations, Heather and you bring up wise and convicting reasons for leaving the group. I also agree with Lisa’s valid points. It might have been an opportunity to be salt and light to the other women. A visiting twice is not enough time to see how God would work in the study to grow the other women- perhaps even by you voicing your concerns! Of course whoever was leading the group needs to moderate and steer the talk in the right direction. We weren’t in your shoes…. sharing a thought for reflection. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

    • Lisa I don’t know where you live but I wish I knew you. Your message is great.

  3. Thank you, thank you for this post!! More of us need to be shouting this message from the rooftops!!!

  4. Beautifully said! I enjoyed reading your post.

    It has been my experience that no matter what form of encouragement I am seeking from others I will generally find the opposite. If I want advice on how to be more fulfilled by my role as a wife and mother I will get people saying that I should send my kids off to daycare. If I want an ear to listen to my venting about my husband all I get is people minimizing my feelings and telling me that I am blowing things out of proportion. Ultimately, the answer is in you and your prayers! I can’t ever find my way to happiness through the advice of others.

    • God’s ear is the one we need to fill with both our prayers and our praise. So hard to remember!

    • You hit the nail on the head! At whatever age you are or stage of life you are in,( and I am 83) it is up to you and God to find your way to self respect and happiness. No one walks in your shoes except YOU. It is helpful to read and talked to others in similar situations but it is You who must find your way!

  5. I’m guilty, and I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to even just read this article. What a great reminder or even wake up call. We are so blessed but we live in a culture and time when all that blessing is overlooked and to be funny or sarcastic is just a first response. Praying that from now on I can try and remember how I am called to use my words with wisdom and care. Thank you Lord for even the little things like great articles on FB. There isn’t anything with being funny or even sarcastic from time to time but we don’t know our audience and we don’t even realize how we can affect others around us. What difference could we make in this world with a positive outlook? It doesn’t matter if you are talking to a Christian or not, we should choose our words wisely, find joy in all we have been given, and try to lift others up in all circumstances.

    • We’re All guilty from time to time; it’s our nature to find fault and be malcontent, isn’t it? Remembering to extend grace to our loved ones is hard at times, especially when the general attitude is “there’s nothing wrong with making a joke at the expense of your husband.” Thank YOU for encouraging me today. 😀

  6. I’ve run into the opposite extreme at the ladies bible studies that I’ve attended: they always have the rule that we cannot speak unfavorably of our husbands. This leaves women who have legitimate needs feeling isolated and alone with nowhere to get help. There has to be a healthy balance.

    • Yes! Sitting down with a “perfect” Christian is just as bad (worse???) as being around those maligning their significant others. There has to be accountability, encouragement, honesty, and trust. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t think that is fostered in a randomly assigned weekly Bible study table.

    • Yes! While we probably shouldn’t be running our husbands down for sport, I feel we need to have the freedom to be real, especially in a mom’s group, to be able to express, deal with, and get encouragement for the difficult things. Let’s not judge these sisters based on TWO (did you catch that she only went twice?) Bible Studies alone. I get the heart of this post, and I agree, but it was at the expense of women I don’t believe were given a fair shake.

      • Sadly, seven years ago, I was in no place to continue pouring into people whose words and actions drove me farther from God rather than closer. Just being in their presence was honestly so poisonous to this hurting Momma in that season that two weeks was plenty. I’m sure stronger Christians would have responded differently, but it was what it was in that season.

      • In my experience of women’s Bible studies over the past 15 years, I think two weeks is actually enough time to get a fairly accurate idea of what the tone of the study is going to be. Four years ago, I moved 3000 miles away from my friends and family with two littles and a newborn (who had stopped eating so my milk was drying up) to a state I still dislike. I did what I always did, plugged into a mom’s group at the local church of the denomination I grew up in. My experience was exactly like Heather’s. Everyone came in bashing their husbands and complaining about their kids and talking about how they needed tummy tucks to get their body back (I’m 10 weeks postpartum at this point) and on and on. I stuck it out for a semester, doing everything that all the naysayers in the comments are saying Heather should have done, but I was casting my pearls before swine. Nothing changed. I found out later that another mom at a different table had had the exact same experience as me, except she stayed in for a year. In my lonely, homesick, postpartum depressed state, I should have cut my losses sooner and found a group of women who would listen to my grieving heart and remind me of the truth of scripture. There are times when we’re able to be leaders and help change people’s hearts, and there are times when people’s hearts are hardened, and our efforts are in vain.

  7. I feel like there is a missed opportunity for grace here. The women at the group were there for the same reasons you were–a need for relief from the pressures of their lives. That group, at that table, has a different sense of humor then you, and were chosing to blow off steam by laughing at their life.

    They aren’t sinners for it, and weren’t out to make you miserable by it, but I feel like this post is very judgmental towards them.

    One of the worst things a mom can do for her family is ‘everything.’ A man is actually capable of doing some work around the house and makin his own lunch. It is a good thing not to overfeed children snacks, and the sooner kids are taught to be little workers and helpers, the better for them.

    That the one table of women didn’t suit your mood at the time, doesn’t make them bad women or mothers or Christians. Perhaps, instead of just quitting, you could have changed tables.

    • I definitely think that now, as a more mature wife, mother, and Christian, I would have reacted differently. The general idea, though, that bashing others is “humor” just sits poorly with me. If a group of men gathered and said nasty things about women, saying that it refreshed them, would we say it was just their way of blowing off steam? Probably not.

      • Yes, excellent point. Double standards don’t help anyone. We can give people grace but if they’re pulling you down with overwhelming negativity then it’s time to move on. You can give people grace and still walk away to protect yourself.
        The moral of the story (for me anyway) is do you want to lift others up or do you want to drag them down?
        Thank you for sharing! :)

  8. There is a great conference just for moms called Hearts At Home. I always walk away feeling refreshed, filled up and ready to get back to my family! It’s an alternative if you’re looking for one.

  9. Television doesn’t help. The last 30+ years have seen a sharp and rapid decline in values on “family” shows. Wives berate husbands in the name of comedy. Children are disrespectful and have no moral compass. On and on it goes. Society has declined right along with them. Everything sinful is celebrated. Everything wholesome is mocked.

    • Agreed– and the more we consume those attitudes, the more we reflect them in our hearts. 😔

  10. Couldn’t even finish this. I feel sorry for those women being around someone judging them for being real. Which is something I found sorely lacking in church. Most women I found in church were like you. Judgmental moms so concerned with being perfect they made me feel horrible about myself. God forbid we joke about our husbands. God forbid we want a couple kid free hours. Good grief.

    • The beauty is that I have now found a group of women with whom I have the opportunity to be painfully real … without being disrespectful. There is a huge difference between saying, “Hey, I struggle with this,” and, “My husband is so stupid.” That’s not perfectionism or being fake, that’s being someone who honors everyone where they are and doesn’t feel the need to run someone else down in order to share their frustrations.

  11. I avoided Women’s Groups for years for the same reason. When I attend a Bible study, it is to refresh myself in God’s word, not to tear down my family. I still have a hard time interacting with many women due to the negative comments I hear about their husbands and children.

    Five years ago I finally found a Bible Study group that met my desire to study God’s word. We are welcome to share our needs, but no one has ever, in my experience, maligned their husband, children or grandchildren.

    • I have also (finally!) been blessed to find the same! Isn’t it refreshing to walk with other women who are real, who share their struggles, but who do it with respect and love?

  12. There is a great opportunity at that bible study to educate’ from the word of God’, to relate your beliefs and thoughts on Family and love.

  13. I don’t want to be hard on you and I say this in Christian love. Instead of writing a blog post maybe an actual conversation would have been in order. The Bible is clear that we lovingly confront fellow believers when they are involved in sin. If you believed the comments sinful maybe a gentle remark could have helped. On the other hand perhaps fear of being criticized caused them to make jokes rather than share what’s really going on. Maybe it hurts that their teenagers are unhappy and demanding. Maybe they don’t have a husband who is helpful. Maybe saying something like “my husband can’t find his way around the kitchen.” is a way of saying he’s not helpful without really being critical. Knowing that we are constantly being judged and found lacking…in whatever way makes church unsafe for everyone. I adore my husband, adore him but he can’t clean a bathroom to save his life. Would I make a joke about that? Absolutely! Would he joke that I can’t make brownies from a box…yes! He would do it in front of men, women, his congregation..it’s true and funny and he loves me.

    It seems from this post you went to church to get rather than to give. If you had reserved judgement, and invested a tiny bit of your life to get to know them you might have viewed their critical spirits as something completely different. If you had come around them and loved them they way you wanted to be loved you might have realized that every single woman is fighting a battle or, more likely, multiple battles. The fact that we have the ability to laugh in the midst of pain is a blessing and a gift…after 25 years of marriage, 5 miscarriages and hurts too numerous to list I praise God for the gift of laughter and especially laughter with dear friends.

    I have 5 children, home school/ed them, adore them, cook most of their meals and love dropping my preschoolers off at the nursery, I too consider it a break. It’s who I am and it doesn’t dimish my Christianity or my motherly love.

    • Seven years–and many chances to grow–later, I totally agree that I could have handled my end differently. The point of the post was that I was utterly broken in that place and time, and the sarcasm and disdain drove me away rather than pulled me in.

  14. I have had similar thoughts about certain Bible studies/Mom’s groups. Thanks for putting it in words and the encouragement. And to be completely honest, sometimes when I do get “Me Time”, I’m not any less resentful or selfish than I am without it.

  15. Gosh I know this was your experience but I’m sadden that you judged these ladies in a clearly dark place of their own. I am that mom that can I get an amen, needed that study for a break from my kids. But I bottled that up in fear of not looking perfect. And I truly at times did hate my husband but bottled that too. There has to be room for realness, that’s where God does the real work, not when you are lying to yourself and others about how great things are. It sounds to me like you had a personality clash because I probably could have fit in there. What’s the saying…the fasted way to friendship is the answer “me too!”. Sometimes the weeds are deep for people, they just are. Thanks for reminding me that there really is judgement sometimes at the table! :/

    • I definitely don’t advocate bottling up our struggles; rather, I find that addressing those concerns with humility, with respect, and with love to be the way to truly seek to resolve issues. That’s every bit as “real” and “imperfect” as saying “my husband is so stupid,” but SO much more respectful.

  16. I appreciated this article and it was a good reminder of how to speak words of life and love even in the midst of the daily grind. I work with mostly single moms and I know I can be real with them and share my struggles, but I was convicted that I should try to do it in a way that honors my kids and husband too!

  17. Heather – I fight this same emotion when I see the images of “girls’ night out” or “girls’ weekend away” or when other couples talk about their getaways (without the kids). Yes, we do need to have a safe place to share our struggles – but it needs to be OUR struggles and not the negatives or faults that we find in others.

    I have been blessed to host several women’s studies and one of the rules is that you were not allowed to bash your husband or your family. You could tell your issue or your situation and ask for advice, but it had to be a YOU request not just a complaining time.

    My prayer is that you have found other women that will embrace you and love you and encourage you where you are – even with a baby in your lap. :)

    Be blessed,

    Kathryn

    P.S. I have never felt a need to “get away” from my family either. Yes, I sometimes need refreshment (but I try to make that time in the morning before everyone else is up and going). Yes, I sometimes do things that focuses on my purpose (but I try to get the agreement and support of the family). I just wanted you to know you weren’t alone in wanting to be around them.

    • Thank you, Kathryn! Yes, I now have a wonderful, supportive group that works exactly as you suggest. Such a blessing!

  18. I’m pretty sure this is the 1st time I have ever commented on a blog post. My comment is not about your Bible Study experience, but rather your specific comment that you have not seen anything in the Bible about taking time for yourself. (If I mistook your comment, I’m sorry. And do not take this as criticism, but as encouragement) I could write an entire post about this subject. While the Bible does call on us to serve, there IS a need to get somewhere quiet and “recharge”. When Jesus’ ministry was at it’s peak, we read that he took time to get alone and pray (more than once). Once it even talks about the disciples being upset with him about it. When I was in a season of struggling with this, Acts 3:19 became really important to me. I love the work picture of being refreshed when in the presence of the Lord. While it’s referring specifically to salvation, it still applies. Recharging our batteries does not come from “me time” but from time set aside to get quiet with HIM. While I still call it “me time” it’s really “Him time”. So, please don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. We can only give from a tank that is full.

    • I think you and I have a very similar take on what “me time” should look like, and it doesn’t include the world’s approach. I, too, take respite in the Word daily. I don’t call it “me time,” but that’s very much what it is. Thanks for sharing!

  19. You know what I chafe at? Having to work 40 hours a week at this season of my life. I long to go back to being a SAHM. Yet, this is what I’m called to do for now. It’s what my husband needs me to do. So I’m *trying* to be content with that.

    I was so grateful earlier this summer when I was finally given permission to work from home again. I still have to go into the office one day a week, but the rest of the week I work from my bedroom. Just this morning, I was glancing around… appreciating the sunshine filtering through the trees in the backyard… enjoying again the framed pictures of my husband (and some of the two of us) that decorate our bedroom. (Kid pictures are in other rooms of the house.) The thought consciously went through my mind, “I love that man so much. I am so blessed to be his wife.”

    It makes me very sad to hear women complain and put-down their husbands and children. Their lives must be truly miserable. At least mine would be, if I had that attitude.

  20. As an introvert, the LAST place I would ever go to “get a break” is a women’s Bible study! Unless I stayed in the car in the parking lot. 😀

    I do think there’s a cultural assumption that men/husbands are morons and women who (Lawd help them) like being home with their children all day are somehow deficient. Mentally or in whatever other way you can imagine. I’ve found in settings like this that many ladies are going along with the “expectation” without necessarily agreeing. Peer pressure for grownups! Just when we thought Jr. High was over…

  21. Excellent thoughts! It saddens me so much to hear about this sort of thing within the church, and as a single woman, it is difficult to hear about the burdens instead of the blessings. Thanks for sharing such life altering perspective. :)

  22. As a new young wife and mother in my late twenties, I was fortunate to be included in a older group of ladies that called their selves the “Granny Group”. My marriage was terrible and when I first started attending I had not had children yet. These ladies listened to me and encouraged me to discuss intelligently the sadness on my heart. They loved on me and prayed for me, encouraged me and saw me through the terrible times I was going through. They prayed me through a Healed marriage and the birth of my children. No one ever said “I can’t stand my husband” or “its so good to get away from my bratty kids”….yes they were old than me but some still had children at home. These ladies raised me spiritually! Now, over 35 years later….its my turn to nurture, encourage, listen, and pray over the young women God’s placed into my life….I hope I do as good a job as those ladies. (who have now, most of them, gone on to be with the Lord)

  23. And it will be those child bashing women who are the first to ask “why don’t you have kids, when are you going to have kids?!…” um, after everything you just said about yours, no thanks!

  24. Oh sweet sister! Love love love your heart and I simply could not agree more!!!! It is one thing to say that you are hurting and need help to change your perspective on the way you see your home life during a bad season, and someone choosing to see the negative in the blessings that have been given.

    My husband is not a perfect man, but no one needs to hear me point out all of his shortcomings in a public way. If need be, I will go to a few trusted sisters and ask for prayer. But never do I bash him, especially online, which is a big trend I see happening. It’s shocking. And yes, it frustrates me that I get left out of social activities because I have small children, but oh well. I chose to have them and I’m not always willing to leave them behind. So that is a choice I make and I am ok with that.
    Again, just Wow! Thank you for this!! It was very well worded and your heart in this is so apparent. God bless!!

  25. Thank you for this wonderful article full of reminders we all need! What a wonderful heart and spirit you have. I felt your love for the Lord and a testimony of Him in your words. We could all use more gratitude and reverence for our blessings.

  26. I absolutely loved this and needed to hear it. “How many times have I tripped over that toy?, how many times do I have to find that book for you? “…it goes on and on. Thank you for readjusting my view. Thank you.

  27. I know I am going against the flow on this, but this whole article bothered me for a few reasons. While I don’t condone husband and child “bashing”, I really have a hard time feeling like some of the examples given were bashing. For example, the woman who made the statement about having 2 hours of freedom while being at Bible study. This is not bashing to me. We all need breaks and sometimes when we get together with other women, we can joke around and be relaxed enough to not have to watch every word that comes out of our mouths. I am quite certain that most, if not all, the moms at that Bible study loved their kids and husbands dearly. But, we all need some time to relax, and not to bash, but to joke at how funny our lives are at times. I think that this laughter can often be a huge release, and the sharing of the bad allows us to come together and realize we are not alone in the moments when we feel like we can’t go on or feel so frustrated. This may not be helpful for every woman but that is why there are other groups. Find one that fits you. This article just felt a bit judgemental to me.

  28. Heather, I’m so surprised to see so many negative comments, and I just want to jump in and say, “Well said!” I wrote about this phenomenon a couple years ago (http://www.everythingtosomeone.com/2013/09/09/its-open-season-on-husbands/), and I think there’s a huge difference between sharing struggles with trusted sisters in Christ and egging each other on to keep a record of wrongs against our husbands and kids. Glad someone shared this post on facebook and led me to your blog! Looking forward to reading more about you and your family!

  29. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that actually wants to spend time with their husband and children! It has always broken my heart the way men are demonized and depicted as backward morons one step above apes. I’d give my left kidney to be able to stay home and keep house. Yes, it can be a thankless job at times, but so it working in an office! My husband is my absolute best friend in the whole wide world, and I absolutely adore him. I admit that my children (5 and 2) aren’t always angels, but they are two amazing, smart, hilarious, wonderful people without whom my world would be a far less sunny place.

    Thank you for your post. It’s given me hope.

  30. This happens to men, as well.
    I recall a time in my life when I was really struggling in the marriage and wanted to leave. My son, a teen at the time, had turned spiteful and rebellious. I went to a men’s group meeting seeking prayer, support and guidance. Instead, they wanted to talk about building an addition onto a church that was already struggling to fill the seats it had and was led by a pastor who was about to leave for a better opportunity and leave the church deeply in debt. All they could talk about was getting people to give more money so they could build a church that would honor God and help them win the gold star at the next meeting of the denomination. I didn’t go back, and I ended up committing adultery. I’m not saying I was innocent or could not have been stronger, but I had no friends to help me through that time.

    • I stumbled (with God’s help) on to this site. For medical reasons; I am a stay-home dad. In the last several months I have become more critical, frustrated, and negative towards (and about) my wife, our children, and life in general. Your words of wisdom have helped me to change my perspective. I want to stop “making light of my blessings and mocking the hand that so carefully chose [them]”. I want to get back to the place with God where I strive each day to be the husband and dad that He wants me to be for my dear bride and precious children. Thank you!

  31. Heather-
    Loved this article. I have been in similar situations with Christian and non-Christian women alike, and I breaks my heart. Although I too limit my time around such negativity, I also try my best to be an example when I am in those situations, such as asking a question like “What’s the most romantic thing your husband has ever done for you?” Sometimes these women just need a prompt to reframe their thinking or word choice (it doesn’t always work, but, as your blog title references, it can help sow a seed). It’s not that I gloss over the hard stuff, rather I am thoughtful about when and how and to whom I share such stories. Negativity is a beast I felt myself being devoured by in my own mind, and it prompted me to start http://www.FindtheLovely.com, to challenge myself to find God’s loveliness and goodness in everyday life, including in my marriage and in my kids. I’ve been doing the blog for 1.5 years now and it has certainly helped reframe my mindset. It is possible to talk about the hard stuff and still be honoring. You may be interested in the Prayer for My Husband post I wrote earlier this summer: http://findthelovely.com/2015/04/22/a-prayer-for-my-husband/

  32. YES! Beautifully said. May all wives and mothers have their hearts aligned to this invaluable truth!!

  33. My husband and 3 year old daughter are wonderful and we love spending time together. I feel guilty leaving her too but you do need alone time to be yourself, not just a mom or wife. I understand the need for some freedom but I adore my family. Always when I hear women bashing their families I feel thankful for mine. Also it seems women who have kids and husbands who can’t do anything for themselves were often created by the wife who does all the complaining. I’ve known many women who need to be needed to feel good about themselves. Then they complain so everyone knows how much they sacrifice. People like that can drag you down though.

  34. Over all I totally get what you are saying and walking away was the best thing you could have done in that time and situation. I’m not a husband basher or a child basher. I love my husband and I love my 3 boys. But yes I may crack a joke from time to time about how blind boys/men are when it comes to finding things in the house or the inability to do housework properly. :-) And I love being around my family. So much so that we homeschool and we cheer when Daddy has a day off and always try to do as much as possible as a family. I thank God everyday for all of them. I lost two unknown babies and one precious little boy on top of the 3 little boys God granted me. I don’t take it for granted what I’ve been given. They make me smile every day and I can’t wait to see their little faces in the morning and I check on each of them before I go to bed. And I certainly snuggle my best friend before I go to sleep. :-) All that being said, I certainly do cheer when I get a “girl’s night out” and even more so when I get a “date night” or “weekend getaway” with my wonderful husband. I feel like you maybe made it sound like we should ALWAYS be with our families, every moment, of every day, and be absolutely thrilled and thankful for every single one of those moments and to never ever want to be away from them. Maybe that wasn’t your intention but that’s how it came off to me. Like I should be guilty for wanting to go out to dinner or coffee with my closest girl friends (who happened to be awesome Christian women too) or guilty that I want to spend time with just my husband, or feel guilty for dropping my kids off in nursery or their enrichment program and actually get a little time to myself to think, run errands, or get coffee. I don’t want to feel guilty for needing alone time! I’m an introvert, I get recharged through quiet alone time whether it’s in bible time, reading, shopping by myself, or sitting with a cup of coffee and watching the sun set. And my marriage came before my kids. God granted me that too and I need to care for it and nurture it through time spent just the two of us. Our kids need to know that our marriage is a priority and they are not the center of our universe. That God is and around that is our marriage and then around that is our family.

    Overall, the overwhelming message of speaking with humility and respect of our families and being careful of who is listening and to remember that our words should be used to encourage and uplift rather than tear down, is very present in your message. I’m thankful to hear that 7 years later you are in a better frame of mind spiritually and emotionally! God’s blessings to your family!

  35. Love, LOve, LOVE this!!! Couldn’t love it more. This is something that needs to be shared loud and clear, church to church.
    It breaks my heart when I hear someone put down their husbands and children. Yes, none of them are perfect. But then neither are we wives and mamas. Thank the Lord for a perfect GOD who loves our imperfections and cares for us anyway.

  36. You are so right! I think maybe you need to be the leader of that group of women. Of course I understand why that isn’t likely, but you should continue to look for a group of women filled with God’s word and his Holy Spirit. I have a gathering of women who come to my home every Monday, the book that we are going through together is an excellent one (Boundaries) which I recommend to everybody, but the fellowship is awesome. I know the book brings them back, but I also know that they continue to come, because of the fellowship. You should always feel like the time you spent with women was to short (even though it was over 2hrs), you should feel like you can’t wait for Monday to come around again and you should feel like you’ve gained strength and are ready to tackle the world again when you leave. The women in my group are of different back grounds, different ages, different stages of life. Most of them have children from toddlers to grown children and there are some who don’t have any children. None of them bring their children with them, but I have custody of my 6 yr old nephew that I homeschool and because it’s in my home, he’s the only child present (in his room). Although a few times some had to bring their children for one reason or another. They all are going through their own personal trials, but we have confessed our sins to each other, cried with each other, laughed with each other, pray for each other and we’ve even gotten mad at each other only to learn how to recover from that. Some of their struggles are very heavy and I have to admit that I can’t imagine how they are ever going to deal with what they have on their plates, but with God’s help they come back with awesome testimonies that are very encouraging. We’ve had this small group for a couple of years and the majority of women have been there from day one. My encouragement is that it is possible to find a group of women who can put their arms around, to cry with you or laugh with you and pray with you and support you in numerous ways. I will pray for you to find what you need and God bless your endeavors. :)

  37. Beautifully written it has encouraged me sometimes I feel that it’s a thankless job and everyone just expects from me and I’m tired of always doing everything, sometimes I feel I do way to much and that I’m never even asked but it’s expected of me on top of working out of the home also, sometimes I feel short changed but this is lovely, we are to serve and love not grumble and complain but be grateful.

  38. Thank you for sharing this. Helps me to put things in perspective in spite of a challenging week with a 3 yr old and 5 month old as well as a husband who was not home much to help. In my mind I was screaming all if these things, but I know that I was not seeing things in a Godly perspective and yo have encouraged me.

    Might I recommend checking out a BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) class in your area. I think you may find the Christ centered Bible study you are looking for. The mission is all about studying His word and encouraging women and children in their walk with the Lord. I have been doing it for 8 years and it has made such an impact in my life! No other study has compared!

  39. Parenting and marriage are so much harder than a job. But it is worth it all because they were both given to us as blessings from God. I am thankful my ladies fellowship group is there to support, not judge, encourage and love me for who I am. My hurt is heavy tonight as I write this but no mattee what “I love my husband and kids”. I make mistakes, I’m not perfect, but I do my best.

  40. Being a part of many different women’s Bible studies, unfortunately you hear a lot of complaints about husbands and children. I used those moments to brag about mine and how God uses them in my life. Gradually their conversations changed…sometimes, even when we are the “young” ones, we teach by example (1 Timothy 4″12), and now that I’m “older” I take Titus 2:4 to heart. Just food for thought… Blessings on your journey.

  41. This post was such an encouragement to me! I have been a pastor’s wife for 12 years and to say the least it has been challenging. I feel much the way that you did…except on a broader scale. The pain and persecution that we have suffered while pastoring a church in our small town has been unbearable at times. Christians can be some of the cruelest people I have come across. But we keep on pressing on for the higher prize!

    I write a marriage devotion blog…almost daily…LOL ( http://seekinghimonly.wordpress.com ) along with my Heavenly Ramblings blog. I would like to seek your permission to share this blog on my Heavenly Ramblings blog. I would, of course, send credit to your blog and probably add a few words of my own. Please let me know if this would be acceptable to you. Not sure how I stumbled across your blog…but I am SOOO Glad I did!

    Blessings to you and your ministry!
    Jeannie

  42. I agree with all the points whole heartedly and I think our culture accepts this mentality all too easily..I too have fallen into it, but usually when I am struggling and am not sure how to deal with it. I complain, vent, joke…all as an inappropriate outlet. I think we need to be very careful of judgement and realize that these women were obviously struggling too (albeit not handling it appropriately). I would love if u could have shared with them how their words made u and how they portrayed themselves to u. As christians we all need to help each other grow by lovingly pointing out our bad attitudes and offering support. I have often found that I gain the most growth and feel more support when I support others. Even if u didn’t have the energy to pour out to them in that season (which I get), u could have at least told them the truth and was honest with them..
    rather than venting about it later?

    • I agree– had I been in a place where I felt I had some light to shine. Sadly, as I shared in the piece, I was completely and utterly empty and questioning even whether it was them or just me.

  43. Well, I was going to put my 2 cents in about what an opportunity this young lady had, but you gals have said it all, and said it well!!! She should have stayed and been an encourager—or rather gone home and prayed about it and wait for a leading from God. Maybe she should have stayed; maybe she shouldn’t have. Some people can handle negative people and be a blessing to them; others don’t have the strength and negativity pulls them down. They have to walk away. We can’t judge her.

  44. I always find a negative group. I always end up leaving it. I have a few friends that just complain about there kids all the time. I noticed it after our loss. Now one of them is thinking about having another. It upsets me to know end. I was only blessed with having two. Unable to have more, but the complainer may get more….

  45. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for you writing this! Excellent read. I shared to my FB wall. I wish FB had a point/star system. I’d put 5 stars on this one. I’ve thought similar, too, in regards to the back to school attitude of so many that just can’t wait to get rid of their kids. We have 7 children (our oldest made perfect in heaven at age 16, four years ago), and I strive to be a good example for those younger moms, to encourage them and come alongside them, as I know how much we need one another and how hard the journey of motherhood can be at times. Blessings to you, Heather!

    • I feel the same way about the back to school attitude! I can’t imagine hearing it knowing that I would love the chance to have just one more second of one of my children “driving me crazy” this side of heaven. ((Hugs)) to you, Momma!

  46. This is a great post. One thing, however, that I did want to mention is that the Bible definitely does talk about having “me” time. Many times throughout Jesus’s ministry, he pulled away from the crowds to be able to reflect and pray. Vilifying one’s husband and children because of a lack of me time or for any reason is definitely something different. However, Jesus understood and himself experienced the need for me time as well! I personally can empathize with these feelings and find that I can be a better mother and wife if I take an hour or two for myself during the week to reflect, pray or just go grocery shopping!

    • I think our definition of “me time” is just a little different. I completely agree with you– but I would call that “God time.” When I think of “me time,” I think of the idea that we “deserve” large chunks of time on a regular basis where we serve ourselves. Again–nothing wrong with that on occasion! But when it becomes an idol in and of itself, it’s a bad thing.

  47. GREAT article! I think you hit the nail on the head! It is very sad more moms are not enjoying their children more. I think we as American Christians ARE raising a generation of children that are NOT in fact blessings to be around! BUT we have no one to blame but ourselves. May we challenged to love and discipline our precious children to bring glory to God and bless all those who get to spend time with them :)

  48. YES! YES! YES!!!

    We Christian moms are on the battle front as the examples of truth – that children are a blessing and Biblical marriage is a joy.

    (Yet so often we shoot ourselves and our testimony by adopting society’s views and allowing discontentment to shatter our outlook.)

    Thank you!

  49. thank you for this! I feel just a little bit better about the changes I’ve been making in my circle of “friends” because of this essay! Hope and Change! Not just for politics!

  50. I appreciate the new and interesting perspective. Reading through the blog post and now the comments, though, the only thing I’m absolutely sure of is that in any type of womens’ group, I WILL be judged. I’m not being lighthearted enough…I’m making light of things I shouldn’t; I complain too much…I’m probably judging YOU because I leave or keep my mouth shut during a group gripe session; If I leave I should have stayed to offer a different perspective…If I stay I must agree with what is happening; It never ends. I’m apparently a mother and wife who is easily overwhelmed. I have vocally “joked” on multiple occasions (small talk with a new aerobics instructor, introductions with people from a new prayer group, etc) that I am there “to escape my kids”. I think people would do well to remember that women like me who make comments like that make them because they feel *trapped* (no need to “escape” if you aren’t feeling somehow “trapped” or “stuck”).

  51. You can always pick out the women who do exactly what the blogger described. Their response is “this seemed kind of judgy”. Of course it does, probably because you do it too. The blogger is right. NO woman should tear down their husbands or bash on their kids. There is a time and place to vent, but not in that way. There were comments in here that had a ton of wisdom in them, specifically those that referenced scripture. There is a huge difference between women who attend church and are involved in every activity and those who seek Christ in all they do. I don’t know what the rest of their lives look like, but if this is any indication… :

  52. Heather,
    The director of our women’s group at church would like to reprint this article in the women’s newsletter. She asked me to try and get in contact with you for permission. Please email me and let me know if you would be ok with this as long as we give credit to where it is due. Thank you!

  53. Hi Heather.
    I really appreciated your article!
    Our church offers small groups, but they are all centered around serious study of what for me were just boring books.
    I really need the refreshment and fellowship. I asked to join the church book club: “Sorry, we’re all full!” I asked to pair up with the next ministry outreach: “Try next time! We have all the slots filled”.

    Do you know of any online support groups? I keep posting these comments on webpages and blogs, just searching and searching. I lost my best friend last year, my mom, and I’m not working right now, trying to build up my family. We’ve had three funerals in 4 years and now my back up “best friend aunt” is seriously sick with cancer. I honestly don’t have anyone to talk to on a daily basis and although it sounds pathetic, that’s just the way it is!

    Hoping you can point the way,
    Susan

  54. Thanks for the tip! And thanks for replying. It’s so nice to be heard :)

  55. I just wanted to say I joined a Mops group over 16 years ago, my daughter was in preschool, and I had a newborn son. Although some women in the sessions seem to fuss about husbands, in laws, kids etc, that wasn’t the focus of the group. What did offend me was the MOPS (mother of preschoolers) leader used our notifications emails to forward all those male bashing type emails. After a couple of them, I sent her a reply asking her not to forward those type of emails to me. I let her know I joined the group as a support system for myself and my family. I don’t think you were judging anyone if you went in the hopes of attending a BIBLE STUDY. I too know that people need to vent, but I think it should be done in a group of women. It may be that you have a close friend you have coffee with and discuss life, difficulties etc. Bible Study isn’t the place for that.

  56. Thank you for this. I felt the same but those around our women’s bible study were the complete opposite. They have perfect husbands, children and lives. I felt so alone and inadequate. That was 9 years ago. Our women’s ministry is still run the same. Look pretty and pretend you are perfect. It’s like being in Stepford. I am SO grateful I found Bible Study Fellowship. The leaders are trained to redirect such talk back to Scripture. I have found women who love the Lord and are real, have real problems and real compassion. This is my 9th year in BSF. I would highly recommend for anyone to find on near you.

  57. Just like most things in life this post has a lot of things to ponder. The young lady posting was sharing her disdain and judgement of the women in this Bible Study. Instead of sharing it with the world to see, possibly going to the women themselves in Christian love would be what Jesus tells us to do (Matthew 5) but it would also show true Christian love in that the world will know God by the love we have one to another.
    I have noticed a division between the younger and older women in churches today because like Eve we all think we know more than the others. Trust me time will show you that you don’t. We all are working out our salvation with fear and trembling and God will finish the work He has begun in us. We ALL need His help.
    I would suggest that we need to stop casting stones and start being peace makers. You really don’t know if sharing with another the stumbling their words have caused you, may help them change or maybe there is a deeper issue they are dealing with that you might be the one
    God has placed in their life to help them. (abuse, rejection, bitterness, pride)
    We are so quick to discount others based on our own needs and desires when we are to be servants and just like Esther, you may have been prepared for such a time as this.
    Being a Titus woman does not mean you are perfect but it means you share with whom the Lord puts in you sphere of influence the things the Lord has taught you. Also, if you want a Titus woman in your life understand she is not perfect either and be willing to listen and glean the jewels God has taught her. It is really easy to judge when we don’t take the time to get to know the individuals.
    Christian character is when we learn to love the ones that we find irritating to be around. How much character does it take to love those we love to be around and find their company enjoyable. Who is the one getting their needs met in the latter relationship?
    No, I don’t mean you can’t have both types of relationships you should, but when you shun the ones that don’t meet your needs or irritate you and associate only with the ones that do that is how “clicks” are formed. With every “click” there are always victims of rejection.
    As we age we all see more and more of what we could do better but I hope the younger ladies realize there is wisdom to be gained and sometimes it is a give and take situation.
    She was upset about the negativity of the women in the Bible Study but I think if she reads her post she will see the same negativity as well. Life should not be a “tit for tat” but for being honest with each other and helping each other find the mind of Christ to follow him as best we can until we go home to glory.
    What a better outcome if she would have shared her concerns in love and maybe just maybe the ladies would have searched the scriptures out and realized how the Lord wants us to talk about our families.
    Sometimes women are so isolated that when they get together sharing is like a waterfall because they have no other outlet.
    Be patient and maybe the Bible study wasn’t for what you could get out of it as much as what you could have given.
    Love always covers a multitude of sins and NO ONE is perfect so love each other in sweet honesty not trying to prove your right but looking for what the Lord is trying to teach you and how He is trying to use you in each situation.

  58. Poking around your blog today, Heather. It makes me miss you and your sweet family! I’m so glad we were blessed to have you in our little church for a brief time and that you experienced the freedom in our church to be real, yet respectful (I see the date of your comments was when you were with us…but I would have assumed that anyway because our church is awesome…LOL!).

    Keep shining the light! You have such a beautiful gift and I feel honored to know you personally. :) Those that would assume a negative or judgmental tone in your writing simply do not know you. If they did, they would never think you were being judgmental! Reading negative tone into someone’s writing is not “believing all things” of someone else (1 Cor. 13), but unfortunately it is easier to do than assuming the best. It’s tough to put yourself out there all the time and receive criticism, but I know you are encouraging many with your openness.

    Stay well and I can’t wait to see you again in July! :)

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