Straddle Parenting

I am an anomaly, even in the microcosm of the homeschooling world. Day in, day out, I parent across the seasons. I do ortho visits and 6 month check ups. I buy bras and cloth diapers. I play Pat-A-Cake, Uncle Wiggily, Monopoly, and Chess. I count toes, find blankies, praise Lego creations, discuss Predestination, and wipe snotty noses. One foot in the Getting Ready to Launch You Into the Big World camp, one in the Oh, Please Don’t Put That Nasty Thing in Your Mouth group, spread over a whole range of Yes, You Have to Take a Shower and I’ll Read That Book to You One More Time and Then I Really Have to Do Some Dishes.

I Straddle Parent.

I whispered the term to myself a few years ago, googled it, and realized that no, it wasn’t something I had heard somewhere that had planted itself in the recesses of my brain. It was simply my head’s label for what my heart was doing: stretching itself over the framework of my duties as they needed to be portioned out.

Some days, it is exhausting. There are morning when waking up to Simon tugging on my hair after a late night talking over the delicacies of teen relationships feels surreal. There are days when I sit on the floor changing yet another dirty diaper and answering yet another question about Microbiology and think that if I hear another preschooler screaming the Veggie Tales theme song ever, ever again, my head will explode. There are moments when I do the math and total my anticipated total homeschool career (28years, people) and wonder how many times a person has to read Justin Morgan Had a Horse before they are legally insane.

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But then, there are moments that burn with such brilliance I wonder why everyone hasn’t signed on for this crazy life. Watching 13 year-old Mathaus baby whisper Simon to sleep. Listening to John Mark explain to Mary Hannah why she is the most beautiful girl he’s ever going to meet. Having Jack wander into the room during a reading of Mr. Popper’s Penguins, settle himself in on the couch and stay, just because. Seeing Phin sneak a wave to Birdie across the crowded AWANA auditorium.

On the average day, I am, like every mother, pulled in a thousand directions. My directions just tend to follow different trajectories. “I need the credit card to sign up for the lactation class, Mom.” “Can I use the computer to program my Lego robot?” “Simon woke up.” “Phineas called me ‘stinky’!” “I’ve got to use the paaaaaahhhhhhteeeeeee!”

And so it goes. One foot tries to help nudge the older kids towards independence and freedom while cherishing the last years we have with them tucked in our nest. The other foot shelters the little ones, shepherding them to make good choices, to be kind, to develop good habits.

It’s sheer insanity, this long-term commitment, I am tempted to think. And then I’m reminded of the truth by my friends who have adult children: parenting never stops. Once you sign on, it’s a life-long, ’til death do us part  gig. So yes, I will still be actively parenting teens in my 50s. But then again, even my friends who will be empty nesters will still be Momma to their not-so-littles, too. I’ll just be the Mother of the Bride nagging her preschoolers to stand still for the formal shots, or the matriarch bringing a huge cheering section of adult kids and baby grandchildren to cheer on high school soccer games. There are much worse things in this life–but few that are better.

11 thoughts on “Straddle Parenting

  1. I have thought of you having feet in many camps and you know what?…. I think you do a fabulous job at it! And I think it is great for all the kids to have love & fun & be helpers for both sides of the spectrum.

    • Oh, thank you for the sweet compliment! I’ve got some pretty awesome mentors to learn from (wink, wink).

  2. I love this mind-picture. I also am “straddle parenting” with my oldest in her 30s and my youngest just 3. I will be parenting teens in my 60s. (Oh my! I had never thought about that one, exactly) but in the midst of crazy and frantic, there is true joy.

  3. So this is the third post I’ve read today and I’m officially a fan lol. I love your writing style and your heart for your family and your passion for the gospel. Thank you for sharing.

  4. Didn’t realize there is a term for what I do! We are a blended family so we have 21, 18, 18, 13 and 3. Started over on purpose and we are having a blast! It is quite challenging at times like taking a nursing baby to a college getting started weekend, but it is also quite a blast at times. We love it and all the older ones (and their friends) love the little one.

    • I made it up, so it’s not really a term, per se. :-) I love the image of college kiddos watching their younger siblings toddler down the halls of their dorm.

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