Brown eyes. It was his eyes, more than anything, that got me.
John Mark (or Jem, as we often call him) was my first brown eyed baby. I saw him first in a photograph (the one below, actually) and right then, right there, I was smitten. I looked into those brown eyes, and I knew. There you are! My son! How have I lived for so long without seeing that face every day?
And now here we are. He’s turning six. And though I missed the gift of feeling him ricochet off my ribs as he grew, there has never been a moment, an instant, where he has felt like anything less than one of mine.
Because he is, of course.
John Mark at six is a ball of frenetic energy rolled inside a squirming blanket of questions and covered with a shell of must touch/must see/must do. He is the first to want to know why, the last to be done at night, and the only one of my crew to turn up his nose at macaroni and cheese of any variety. He adores TobyMac, the Beatles, and Coldplay (thanks, big kids), and loves Legos, the German National Team, Chelsea Football Club, and firetrucks. He think Jack is nothing short of a.maz.ing, and prays for him every night with the kind of dedication only a devoted little brother can offer.
“Dear God, keep Jack safe, and let us play Legos tomorrow, and maybe soccer, and if I my tooth falls out and I get gum, I will share it with Jack. And make it sunny, and let Jack finish school early so we can play in the big trees outside …”
I love this kid in ways that only a fellow adoptive Momma can understand. I love him with the passion of this is my child. But I also love him with the fierce I could have missed this! love that is always present in those soft-focus, beautiful moments when he curls into my arms and his hair tickles my nose, and we whisper and conspire over how different we are, but how much we love one another.
If you’re wavering, if God has been whispering in your ear “just one more” … pray a little more. And then do it. This boy, this life … oh, so worth it. I regret nothing. Least of all the chance to look into these brown eyes and say, “Happy birthday, Jem!”
As my daughter said about 2 weeks after our 2yo tornado joined our family, it feels like he has been in our hearts forever. After 4 years that is still the truth.