Raise your hand if you’re a homeschooling mom who does it all. I’m not talking about the laundry and the dishes alongside the astronomy lessons. I’m talking about teaching every single subject, every day, all the time.
Man, there are a lot of you out there.
Of all of my homeschooling friends, I’d say 85% or more research, plan, and execute the education of their children with no more than an approval of funding from their other halves. Women who want their husbands to be involved, to help carry the burden, or to simply give a little guidance from time to time are struggling to find ways to stay afloat on their own in the daily grind.
So what gives? Do the daddies out there just not care? Are they too busy to be bothered?
While that may (sadly) be true in some cases, I’d wager that the bulk of fathers are interested in what takes place at home while they’re out earning a living. The trick is helping them to understand that you not only desire for them to play a part, but that they are an essential voice in the education of their children. So what’s a mom to do?
1. Ask. No, seriously. I can’t tell you how often a fellow mom has expressed surprise at my husband’s level of involvement in our homeschool. Yet when I inquire as to why her husband has declined her requests to step in, I’m told, “Well, I’ve never actually asked him.” Ladies, Communication 101 says that if you have a need, you clearly state that need. You ask. “Honey, Josh is in Algebra II this year, and I’m in over my head. Could you maybe pick up some tutoring in the evenings?” Now he knows 1) the problem and 2) that he can be part of the solution. Very, very few daddies are going to hear that there’s a need under their roof that they can remedy and decline to do so. Invite your husband to offer his opinion (and actually take it into consideration), to come along to curriculum fairs, to have a say. Sometimes an open door is all it takes to ignite a passion for homeschooling in a previously disinterested dad.
2. Make it easy. The biggest area of involvement Christopher has with educating the littles is also one that he would do even if they sat in a public school classroom all day: he reads. The scheduled Sonlight read-alouds in the Core our youngers are using are set aside for bedtime. This gives Dad the chance to not only be a loud creative voice in the imagination of our children, but also answer questions on the fly. Bonus? The memories made are irreplaceable (just ask my older kids). While reading aloud may not be your hubby’s happy place, take a glance at your family’s routine and I’m sure you’ll find something that is “Daddy’s job” that can easily be dovetailed into a learning experience, too.
3. Give up the control. The truth hurts, friends: sometimes our husbands don’t engage in our areas of interest because we hold the reigns with a death grip. If you are positively married to a curricula piece that makes a topic completely unapproachable to your husband, you’re making a choice. He might be willing to teach biology … but is overwhelmed by the snazzy experiment-based program you are planning on buying– and you know it. Evaluate your reasoning. Ask yourself if it’s better to have the to-die for hands-on moments, or to see your kids and husband learning together. Letting him voice an opinion and have a say goes a long way towards asking him to be a full participant rather than a bystander.
4. Be flexible. A man who works 40 hours a week at a 9 to 5 job doesn’t have a whole lot of bandwidth for teaching math five days a week unless he’s really, really dedicated. (If that’s your husband, give him a big old round of applause from all of us proud homeschooling wives out here!) If he’s just starting out and is feeling the pinch of too few hours in a day, get creative. My husband taught our daughter French at 6:45 a.m. three mornings a week for years. It wasn’t optimal, but it was what he had. Others fathers I know of use their weekends to teach science intensives, or even skype at lunch to help their kids with math. Don’t be tied to an ideal, but rather use the freedom of homeschooling to your advantage.
5. Give him his chance to shine. If your husband is an amazing mechanic, or knows more about the Civil War than is healthy for a single human being, set him loose to share his talents with your kids in the name of education– even if it means you don’t get to your immaculately planned unit study on art in the Romantic Period. Tell him what a great teacher he is (he may not realize that what he’s doing qualifies as teaching at first), and be his partner in crime: curate a selection of library books, rabbit trail projects, and more to capitalize on what he’s doing with the kids. (Sneaky tip: If you offer him the chance to pass on his passion and he begs off, go ahead and plan a mini-unit on the topic anyhow. I can almost guarantee he’ll poke in and maybe even take over!)
6. Let him define the terms. This partially goes back to #3, but needs to be said on its own: Remember, as your husband steps in … you step back. No looking over his shoulder and giving pointers. If there’s something he needs to know that you haven’t told him in advance (I was so used to my one son’s very auditory learning style, for example, that I didn’t realize it would be hard for my hubby to adapt his science instruction style on the fly), pick a time later, away from the moment to fill him in. If it’s a mere matter of “I would do it this way …” let it go. Just like your husband disciplines differently, he teaches differently, too. And that’s actually a strong point in his valuable involvement in your homeschool!
7. Field trips for the win. If your husband simply doesn’t bite on the idea of direct teaching, or has a schedule that makes it impossible to commit to being a regular part of your homeschool, consider planning field trips around his availability. Trust me, a visit to a pioneer museum might eat a day off your summer vacation, but will pay dividends in the long run. So will braving the aquarium crowds on a Saturday if it means Dad can come along and show his support, too.
What other ideas do you have for helping your husband be an active part of your homeschool? What works for you?
Shared at: Hip Homeschooling Moms
This may overlap with some of what you’ve said, but I would add that we need to mentally expand our scope of what homeschool is. We have a category called life skills which includes all the home and auto repair/maintenance things my husband is good at.
I also try to appreciate what my husband does well–he reads non-school books to our kids (with voices, which I never do!), he plays with them, he coaches them, he volunteers in their activities, and especially as they get older, he is an active participant in the conversations we have about hard questions, current affairs, and silliness. None of that is technically school, but it is such a gift to me and the kids. Reframing my own thoughts from “he doesn’t help me with school” to “these things are all blessings” makes a tremendous difference.
Absolutely excellent points! “School” is much more than what comes from a textbook– and ALL input is valuable!
My husband has helped a lot, in a lot of ways, over the years. We’ve probably used every suggestion on your list at one time or another. Since he is now working from home, most mornings he sits in when the 8th grader and I have school-starting time, and we ask him for a current events report–he usually has something interesting. We pray together, then he starts his own day’s work.