I never thought my kids would stay little forever; never really wanted them to. I’ve always, from the beginning, loved the unfolding that brings them closer, each day, to the adult that they will eventually become. But in the moment, I revel in the person in front of me: big, small, in between.
I admit, it’s bittersweet.
Jude is now sporting four teeth, army crawling like a pro, and figuring out how, exactly, to keep up with the rest of the crew. Hearing his cackle as he drags himself over the carpet, under the table, into the cabinets fills my heart to bursting. But then I remember that this time last year, he was just a little unknown person cradled beneath my ribs, and I wonder where, exactly, the time has gone.
Mathaus was once this small (but no army crawling for him; Mathaus has always been a by-the-book kind of guy), and now, I struggle to remember exactly how his cheeks looked without the rust-colored fur I’ve come to expect. In a few weeks, I’ll see him climb behind the wheel of a car for the first time.
Perspective.
Watching carefully from the sidelines, I find myself catching my breath as each boy eyes the next goal, sizes it up, then throws himself into its pursuit with everything he can muster. For Jude, the current battle is getting his chubby legs to cooperate with his goal of cruising around the coffee table. For Mathaus, it’s that all-important driver’s license. Both of them are reaching … straining toward the newest milestone with confidence, willing to try and fail and try again.
And me? I’m praying from the sidelines. Hoping the learning curve is just steep enough to build character (but no so steep as to crush spirit) and praising God for His mercy in stretching us while we’re in safe places to prepare us for those seasons when we’re not. I’m watching Jude inch towards his first birthday, and wondering how time seems to cascade the older I get. I’m watching Mathaus emerge from the cocoon of boyhood and step with calculated wonder into the season that will bring him to adulthood. I’m watching personalities defined, faith cemented, skills achieved.
I can’t claim any credit for the milestones being mastered here. But I can watch them, and I can cheer. That’s good enough for me.