Ten

I wasn’t there when he was born. Didn’t see him blow out the candles as he celebrated his first birthday. But from the moment I knew of his existence, he has been every bit my son, and I have reveled in his milestones.

And ten? Ten is very much a milestone.

Phineas isn’t quite like other ten year-olds. He hasn’t yet mastered riding a bike. The code of the written word still eludes him. He’s not quite ready to play UNO solo, and he can’t yet walk to the mailbox alone. He loves playing with wooden trains and eating huge bowlfuls of oatmeal mixed with peanut butter, a dollop of honey, and a generous tablespoonful of coconut oil.

Phineas is slight, and rarely speaks to those outside the family. He has never heard of Minecraft, can’t play piano, struggles to follow along with the plot of most chapter books.

And yet, he’s ten.

Part of me has struggled to see him as hitting this milestone. Ten looks a certain way to me, and this is not it. Ten is pushing the last envelope of elementary school and gliding into the middle school years. Ten is blossoming, mentally and physically, and almost certainly spiritually.

And yet, this is Phin at ten.

He is happy. He is inquisitive. He is shy, but in a sweet, endearing way. Phineas smiles, and laughs, and has a wry sense of humor that needs a little digging to uncover but is there, just the same. He loves Buzz Lightyear, digging in the sand, wearing footie pajamas, coloring, and dancing. He plays with his whole heart, and throws himself into every moment with gusto– good or bad.

He doesn’t know he’s ten. He knows it’s his birthday, and he is quite delighted. Not knowing his age hasn’t dampened his enthusiasm one bit. He is, as always, cackling with happiness, and keeping us all smiling with the pure joy he radiates as he grabs onto life and wraps himself in what it has to offer.

In many ways, this is the lesson I’ve learned from my son this year: knowing the facts isn’t always a necessary part of being fully present. You can dance just as joyfully to a tune you don’t know as you can to one whose words you know by heart. You can relish a meal without seeing an ingredient list.

You can live, joyfully, without analyzing every step of the journey.

You can have a milestone without measuring every hurdle, without weighing every achievement.

You can simply step up into the limelight and shine. No fanfare, no expectations. Just… being.

Happy birthday, Phineas. Ten years of discoveries, of mishaps, of learning from one another. Milestones… of the best kind.