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For those of you who don’t know, I am a college student. While my school is close enough to allow me to live at home, I still have to put in many hours a week to get all my work done. Add to that my own teaching schedule and yeah, I’m a busy girl.
But one thing I realized as I started classes a few years ago, was that time spent on my own life’s pursuits was time I could not spend with my family. Not that that’s all bad. It’s o.k. to invest in yourself! But truthfully, I didn’t want to disengage from the people I love the most just because I had midterms and a tuition bill to pay.
I saw that while I was doing my thing, my family was doing their own. The hours they were singing the oceans of the world or manipulating trig problems I was upstairs, frantically typing on an iPad. Add to that my physical in-class time, then my teaching hours, my own homework, and the homework I grade for my students… all this eats up time that could be invested in, say, my younger siblings who I love and adore.
Staying in touch with your family as you start to spread your wings and start jumping from the nest can be a challenge, but it’s still important. So to all you other college-aged folks from large families, wondering how to make school and family time work out, here’s some things I’ve discovered about keeping your family involved in your life, and you in theirs.
Share the little moments. Your seven-year old sister runs up to you, out of breath and proclaims, “I’ve caught a butterfly!” Your textbooks lie strewn all over the table, you were just in the middle of a sentence on your paper. Drop everything and let her show you this butterfly she has caught! You don’t know when you’ll ever get another moment with her like this, and the fact that she has sought you out to display her prowess at bug catching is something to be cherished. She won’t be seven forever, and when she does get older, she’ll intuitively understand from actions like this that no matter how busy you may be, you are always there for her.
Take evenings off. I do this two ways. I either bring a schoolbook I’m reading and set up in the living room with everyone else, or I wait until they are all in bed to do schoolwork. (I’m a night owl in a family of morning larks, so this works!) Either way, if someone magically produces a pack of cards and wants to play a hand of Uno, you can jump right in. I try to get all my major schoolwork done during the day, so that evenings can be more free.
Read a book to your siblings. Currently, I am reading my youngest five siblings All Things Bright and Beautiful, by James Herriot, whenever I have the chance. In that moment before dinner is ready, I will grab them all, snuggle them all onto the couch, and read a few chapters. I can’t count all the books we have done together, and at this point, it has become a tradition that when I come back from the library, they all gather around and ask me, “What book did you bring us to read this time?!” Of course, it doesn’t have to even be that much of a time investment. You can read them anything, a picture book even, and I guarantee, they will love it all the same.
Get involved in family happenings. My mom has been steadily decorating the house, envisioning and moving furniture, repainting, designing. I have made sure to get in on the fun. If a chair needs moving, heck yes I’ll move it. Can I see what color you’ve picked for the bench? Do you want help hanging that sign? Just bumping shoulders with her is an amazing way to spend time with her. If your family is planing a 4th of July party, how can you get involved? Can you make the cookies? Prep the barbecue? Help your dad with the grill? Think creatively!
Challenge your brother to a game of Blink. You have a few minutes, and that’s all? Engage with a sibling over something quick and fun! My personal favorite quickie game to play with my game-adoring brother, Jack, is Blink. It takes 5 minutes tops to play, and gets your adrenaline going too!
Take a sabbath. Work your tail off during the week, but try to take one day off of everything, and spend hardcore time with your whole family and God. This is not only healthy for you, but it also reaffirms to them that they are still one of your greatest priorities on a day you could be enjoying yourself in other ways.
Let you siblings hang out near you while you’re doing homework. Sure, make it clear that you are working, but let them sit close to you and feel your presence as they play. Simon, my four-year old brother loves to come up in the afternoons after his school is done. Once in our room, he will get out a box of toys he and I have set aside especially for this time, and he plays next to me while I work. We stream some Backyardigans‘ songs, and occasionally poke each other to make each other laugh.
Share the things you love with your family. Do you love sewing? Let your little sister watch you as you use the sewing machine in the evenings. Show her how to use the pedals, make even let her put her foot on it and try it out. Answer all her questions, throw out little awesome facts she would never think is possible, and watch the delight and love shine in her face. She will never forget this time, and on top of investing, you are also teaching her a valuable skill for the rest of her life! Share with your family what you’ve learned today at school, and then ask them what they learned.
Don’t be afraid to be a Daddy’s Girl, or a Mama’s Boy. It’s not shameful to be 20 and still love your mom enough to give her a kiss before bed. Give your dad a good morning hug, make coffee for him, ask him what he’s doing today. Ask your mom questions about the knitting project she’s working on, and offer to hold the skein of yarn for her as she winds it into a ball.
Call your family often. Maybe you live on campus year round, and only come home during the summer. Maybe, like me, you’re at home most of the time. Whatever the case, call or text your family. After class, before dinner, in that moment that you might just take a nap, call or text your family. Let them hear your voice or see what’s up with you. They miss you, and you can’t show them you care more than by giving them a phone call in the evenings after school. I’m not saying you have to call every day, but do it often. Skype with them on the weekends you’re gone from home. Text back and forth throughout the day with your mom. (I still place the most importance on giving my folks a call, letting them hear my voice, and telling them that I love them so very much.)