There is much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands these days over the power of screens and their ubiquitous presence in the lives of our children. We are warned from every supposed pulpit of cultural wisdom (The American Academy of Pediatrics, The American Heart Association, The Journal of Preventive Medicine, The National Institutes of Health) that too much tech usage is bad for our kids, and that as parents, we should police devices and time spent staring at screens.
Cut them off, is the general battle cry. And if you can’t do that, at least cut it down.
But how?
Screens are easy. They’re seductive. Sometimes, they’re necessary. And by default, they are beginning to become the ruling force in most American homes. Our family cultures are quickly being defined by our ability to quickly and effortlessly access information, be entertained, and be in constant contact. Not all of it is bad, and frankly, it’s not going away. Throwing out warning and fanning the flames of guilt in parents isn’t the answer, no matter how well-intentioned those academic Big Wigs and their studies may be.
So how do we bring some levity to the table in terms of screen usage in our home?
Personally, I think our biggest weapon is replacing a “no” with a “yes.”
Don’t just put your foot down about screens… open wide the door to books.
Don’t just bark, “Put that iPad down and go read something!” or require so much time with a book before your kids can log their time on a game. (Sorry, but I think that “stick and carrot” methods just set up bigger issues in terms of perception.)
Instead, create a culture of books in your home that speaks louder than the screens.
In our house, screen usage among the under-16 crowd is so rare as to be a novelty. High schoolers have access for school. Games are a special, communal event, and there’s no social media. Oddly, no one has ever balked or felt they’ve been denied. How have we managed to maintain this kind of culture?
We’re book people.
We make weekly treks to our local library. We place holds online, but we also set aside a block of time to roam the stacks and discover new finds. Browsing a library collection should be an exciting experience. Yes, yes… if you have very young children, it can be quite the exciting experience indeed. But just as you can’t really expect a child to learn to appreciate being still and listening for birds while on a nature walk unless they get to practice doing it over the course of weeks, months, or even years, you have to slowly lead your children into the right behaviors and appreciation of a library. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it pays massive rewards. Being able to bring your kids to library for a long afternoon of diversion in the middle of the hottest day of the year is one of the payouts I personally recommend saving up towards!
We pursue books. I find books for our family through Read-Aloud Revival, Currently Reading Podcast, What Should I Read Next?, BookList, websites, groups, and blogs, and personal recommendations. Then I place holds on them at the library. Basically, my goal is to keep a constant flow of material coming in. We may not read some of the titles that land in our library bin, but that’s o.k. We also might discover a new favorite. My older kids have developed this habit as a result; when they encounter an intriguing title as a reference in a story, or through some other avenue, the first thing they do is reach for that evil screen… and put a hold on the book!
I strew. I find books that I think might grab the interest of one of my kids, and I hold onto them. Then I plant them in places they’re sure to stumble into. Yes, I even do this with my teenagers. I’ve definitely been known to directly hand books to kids (“Read this. Trust me.”) but more often than not, I like to sow the seeds of discovery and bask in their delight at telling me all about the cool new book they’ve found on their own.
We read real books at home. For sure, there is some screen reading in our home. My husband uses his phone to read our family a Psalm over breakfast each morning, I use my Bible app more than my physical Bible, our news comes via an iPad in the evenings, and my husband’s preaching and teaching notes are all in digital form. But our focus, as a family, is on holding real books in our hands. We work hard to maintain an atmosphere of “do as I do, and as I say,” and pointing our kids towards books while looking at a phone screen isn’t consistent.
We keep reading logs. Be it an adult with a commonplace book, teenagers with years’ worth of book quotes taped to the back of a bedroom door, or young ones with their own composition books listing every title, we track what we read. Something about a real record of what you’ve read cements the friendship you’ve formed with a book. If you don’t already do this, try it!
We celebrate reading goals met. Completing your first read-through of the Bible gets you an ice cream cake and special keepsake gift in this house. Subsequent completions are good for a dessert of your choice and after-dinner celebration. Learning to read earns you your own library card and a canvas book bag to tote to those weekly library visits. Those composition book reading logs I mentioned? They have built-in milestone markers as well. Fifty books read is a milkshake to laud you for crossing over from “newbie” to “experienced.” One hundred books is a massive ice cream sundae on the town. Two hundred and you get to help plan a dinner themed around your favorite book. Three hundred is a hardback copy of your favorite read so far.
Some books are a family rite of passage. In our family, your first “big kid solo read” is Charlotte’s Web. Daddy introduces you to The Chronicles of Narnia as a whole-family read aloud when you’re about five. You meet the cast of Swords For Hire (affiliate link) somewhere around fifth grade. You get the green light to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy on your 12th birthday, and the previous reader is required to leave “bread crumbs” throughout the text in the form of post-it notes. All of those already initiated gather for viewings of the films on subsequent evenings after you’ve finished your first read. We have dozens of celebrated reader milestones that evolved naturally over the years; you can craft your own simply by choosing some of your favorites!
Shifting your focusing from the “no!” of restricting screens to the “yes!” of an engaging culture built around reading and sharing books and experiences strengthens your family bonds. It isn’t deprivation, but rather endowment. What other positive ways have you found to resist the siren song of excessive screen time?
