These are the things I’m reminding myself as I begin 2020:
2019 brought changes.
Challenges.
Fear.
Loss.
It brought all kinds of discomfort, and many days, the best I could do was look forward:
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.—2 Corinthians 4:16-18
The new year is here. It’s 2020, and here I am, still.
The same person I was in January 2019? No.
God had a purpose for the last 12 months. Not that I doubted it; I knew all my pain didn’t diminish the goodness of God, nor was it wasted. As difficult as it was to admit at times that God was working things for His glory, I knew it was there.
What I lost sight of, in the midst, was that he was also shaping me for my good.
In the fire of refinement, it’s so easy to watch that which the Lord has declared as dross for you slide away and mourn it. It’s easy to count the pains and feel the losses. Like a snake, I’m angry, belligerent, even dangerous as I shed my old skin.
The me that emerged from 2019 to walk into 2020 is both stronger (in my reliance on God) and weaker (in self). The January 2020 me feels more fragile, but is willing to be more vulnerable because of it. The new me— which is actually the old me made better— is having an easier time letting go of what was and embracing what is with an appreciation for which I long prayed.
It’s a new year. I’m the old me. The old me, challenged to grow and enter 2020 taking all the lessons I’ve learned along. I admit, it’s hard to be grateful this close to the hurt. But I’m working on it. I’m resolved to use the year past and allow God to soften me further, to see His purposes, and to fulfill those plans for which He has prepared me. The path for the year ahead has already been charted.
I’m ready.