In August of 1992, when I met a certain floppy haired, too-skinny boy who had a fondness for English shoegaze bands and Doc Martens, I had no frame of reference for what life would look like five, or ten years down the road. I definitely didn’t see our wedding, our children, our struggles, our successes…
Or our first granddaughter.
Little Rahel (RAY-hel) was born January 16. Her first days were rocky, but God has been so, so faithful. So many prayers have been answered already in the life of this precious little girl. She’s at home, with her jubilant mother and father, catching up for lost time.
It’s an odd feeling, being a grandparent. Well, first off, I acknowledge that I am not having the typical experience. In addition to being nearly 8,000 miles away, I am juggling these new emotions in the weeks before my youngest daughter— the sister of the new mother— celebrates her first birthday. So am I your typical first time grandmother? No. No, I’m not. But I have a feeling many of the emotions I’m feeling are quite normal. First of all, there’s the push and pull of my love for Babita. I can’t quite explain this, but as much as I want the absolute best for the baby, I want Babita to be comfortable and safe and happy. And somehow that concern and joy is mixed in with this newfound amazement over the fact that there’s a small human I get to love and nurture that will call the one who calls me “Mum” mother.
It’s been a delight to get little notes from Babita sharing updates about Rahel. My favorite so far has been her response to my question, “Are you getting any sleep?” “I don’t think any new mother gets sleep,” was her reply, and I had to laugh. How could I, of all people, ask something so basic?
Oh. Because I’m the grandmother this go round.
We are still making plans for the when and who of travel to meet Rahel and see her parents. I’m praying it’s sooner rather than later, but am pressing down the grandmother instinct to jump on a plane this second and remembering the mother desire of a little bit of time and space to get comfortable in the routines and rhythms of daily life with a new baby before being besieged by well-meaning relatives. Until that moment, I’ll keep cherishing the technology that allows us to be close even when we’re so far away. It wasn’t available 30 years ago, when this little adventure of ours began. That’s ok. I still get to enjoy this next season with that same boy, only a bit older and wiser.