5 (good) things I learned from the patriarchy movement

The vendor hall seemed strangely empty and somehow too quiet. For the first half of the day, I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing. As the conference broke for lunch, though, it struck me: Vision Forum. The sprawling VF space– usually four long tables encircling a few more, laden with books, CDs, binoculars, wooden swords, and the most obnoxious pop guns imaginable– was absent. Of course. When the ministry shuttered late last year, it had occurred to me that the group that anchored one of our local conferences would leave a gaping hole in the vendor offerings. And here it was.

Gone were the über-patriotic diatribes on how the US can be the saving grace of the world if only it would step up and claim the mantle. Gone were the soft-focus playthings marketed with the single purpose of making sure that little girls never wear pants and grow up dreaming of sewing an apron for babies of their own. Gone were the library builders that echo the same theme, endlessly: dominion, adventure, and history … all under the auspices of a kindly, all-knowing, authoritative  father.

But gone, too were the encouraging messages about seeing one’s home as a ministry. The WWI hats my boys love. The reminder that grace does not erase our responsibility to respond to God with obedience. The books that smoothed the learning curve for a Momma learning to parent a large family. The guaranteed clean movies.

Yes, there was a lot to question about Vision Forum as a ministry, a company, and an outreach. But there was some grain of truth buried in there, as well. As someone whose Berean instincts are strong, someone who picks apart every supposed “truth” offered, someone who has no problem spitting out the bones scattered amidst the meat … well, I have to admit that I was one of the people for whom Vision Forum had a place in my spiritual toolbox. No– I’m not talking about the crazy that was Doug Phillips and his outlandish adventuring expeditions to prove one’s manliness, nor the unbearably unpalatable tendency to cast an eye back on history and romanticize it into a utopia. I’m talking about the gems hidden in there. The little bits that I was able to take away from the overall package. The things that encouraged me, that made me pause and reflect, and that, ultimately, grew me closer to the God I love.

With that in mind, here are five of the good things I learned from Vision Forum, the patriarchy movement, and my more conservative brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

1. Boys will be boys. You’d think this was a given, but I’ll just be honest and say that I did not appreciate the full measure of what God bundles into a boy up until I saw the powerful potential celebrated by folks whose sons were allowed to embrace every ounce of their male genes. I was pregnant with my second son by the time I had ever heard of Vision Forum, and without the examples of boys being, well … boys, I would have probably thrown my hands into the air and given up when Jack came along. While Mathaus was always more of a careful, thoughtful academic, Jack was never content to sit on the sidelines and watch the action. He’s been a hands on, in it to win it guy since birth. And that’s o.k.

 

2. It’s o.k. to have more than the “average” number of children. In case you missed it,  I don’t go in for the quiver-full philosophy that Vision Forum was selling. That’s a formula, and formulas just don’t jibe with what I know of God’s grace. But as our personal conviction– as in, the one that applies to my husband and I— is to be open to children as God blesses us, hearing that we were not quite as cray cray as the balance of the Christian community might have us believe. Normalizing something near and dear to our hearts gave us a comfort that I can not explain on days when swimming upstream of our family, our friends, and our fellow Christ-followers left us weary and battered.

 

3. Femininity isn’t a curse. If you knew me in college, you probably remember my basic uniform: loose fit jeans, men’s v-neck undershirts worn as t-shirts, and black Doc Marten 6 eyes. There were a handful of other wardrobe options in rotation from time to time, but on a daily basis, your odds of a jeans-and-white-tshirt combo showing up were probably 10 to 1. After I got married and had a couple of babies, I started to realize something. I am a woman. Female. Not a man. No, seriously! I have curves, I am pretty in my own way, and being girly is well, fun for me. It was through the work of several VF-affiliated authors that I finally relented from the path that I thought was “easiest” (the jeans and t-shirts) and embraced the fact that looking pretty makes me feel good. It gave me the courage to ditch the default, and go for the cute factor. Do I still wear jeans from time to time? Yes, I do. But as my husband will tell you, he likes his women in skirts and dresses. And I kind of love the attention he lavishes on me when he finds me attractive. (wink)

 

4. The family unit is a powerful thing. Vision Forum had it right: the family is a powerful agent for change. A focused, cooperatively functioning group of people bound by love and willing to sacrifice for one another can do great things when they have something they are passionate about. This is the basis of our work in Nepal; those who support us realize that, for their investment, they are sending ten missionaries, not just two. Our family isn’t intent of reforming American culture. Neither are we intent on creating a cloistered subset of self-replicating Pharisees whose impact on the Kingdom is measured only by the number of children they themselves beget. Rather, we’re a family hoping to disciple others in the freedom we have found in Christ through living our lives with purpose.  (But I’m kind of counting on grandchildren measured by the good measure, pressed down to overflowing, if you know what I mean!)

 

5. Being a mom is enough. Let’s be honest with one another: the overall message of the world is that motherhood is lacking. Women without outside employment are the pitied, second-class citizens in many circles. To be a mother is to be a mother and (fill in the blank) in this current culture. You don’t bring home a paycheck? You’re not using your talents to bless people other than your own family? What are you: selfish, lazy, stupid, or all of the above? Vision Forum brought some levity to the conversation by elevating stay-at-home motherhood to a vaunted position within its ability to influence. The reminder that motherhood is a high calling, that training our own children has eternal value, and that this noble calling can be fulfilling in its own right was a welcome change to many ears, mine included.

 

I do believe that God had a hand in bringing to light the folly of key members of VF, and maybe even in closing the doors of the company the ministry started. For years, the ship had seemed to be drifting into more and more obscure waters (Titanic celebration, anyone?) and coupling itself with lines of thought that had the potential to lead to elitism and judgement at best, abuse and tyranny at worst. But folks, there’s a baby in the pan that was Vision Forum’s bathwater. If something there blessed you, if something there enriched your life, your family, or your walk with the Lord, hold it dear. God is in the business of making good from the ugly.

 

 

 

I link up posts with these wonderful hosts: Diamonds in the Rough, Life in a Breakdown, Sunday Best Showcase, Teach Beside Me, Finishing Strong, Mama Moment Monday, The Modest Mom, Mama Moments Mondays, Monday’s Musings,Making Your Home Sing Monday, Playdates at the Wellspring, A Pinch of Joy, Titus 2sday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Growing Homemakers, Babies & Beyond, Teaching What is Good, Missional Call, Essential Things, Create With Joy, Hope in Every Season, For the Kids Fridays,  Preschool Creations, Pin Me Party, Learn & Link, Frugal Homeschool Friday.