Every day, since before we were married, Christopher has gotten up, showered, slipped on whatever attire his occupation has required (almost always khakis and a dress shirt, sometimes with a tie, sometimes without), eaten breakfast, grabbed his lunch, and headed out the door to his job.
Sure, it’s looked different in different seasons. When we first married, he was a reporter at a small town paper, so he worked afternoons and nights. Later, he was in a government office that required a coat over that shirt and tie most days. But still, the effect was the same:
Structure. Routine. A paycheck.
But today, for the first time in roughly 20 years, it’s different. Today is his last day as a fully employed white-collar guy.
As he leaves today, we say goodbye to more than a lifetime of work and ladder climbing and 9-to-5 normalcy. We say goodbye to a steady income. We say goodbye to benefits. We say goodbye to being middle class Americans playing by the rules.
It’s both thrilling and sobering. A milestone. And a terrible, tremendous leap of faith.
From now on, our daily bread comes, as it always has, from God. But from here on out, there is a new filter. Our dependence– always first and foremost on the Lord– is now sieved through the obedience of individuals who have raised their hands and responded when confronted with our call. From this point on, a misplaced check might mean no vegetables for a week. Or postponing a training. Or having no fare for a taxi and lugging kids and groceries up hill, in a monsoon.
There are no missed checks in your average, full-time, 40+ hour a week employment. There are rules and regulations. And hey, if the money doesn’t show up, there are avenues of restitution.
In this new land, not so much.
For a woman who has never gone without, even in the darkest financial hours of our early marriage (we always knew we could go to our parents’ homes if there was no food for the table), this is a new depth of faith, a new reliance that is both uncomfortable and humbling.
We enter this season with fear, with trembling, and with anticipation that all of our needs will be met and exceeded through the grace of Him whose voice has called us out onto the water. We close the door behind us– on work, on all of it– in confidence.
And we step out into the unknown…
May The Lord show you amazing provision clearly from him and his own as you take this huge step.
God is always the provider, whether through a steady job with an adequate salary or through less traditional, and often more miraculous, means, but one is certainly more comfortable than the other. Praying that this time of being stretched in your trust of his provision will be better than you can imagine, even if and when it’s harder than you imagined.