God’s got his hand on you so
don’t live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say-Sidewalk Prophets, “The Words I Would Say”
Some birthdays just feel like milestones. For me, 10 is one of them. Double digits! The doorway from little kid to middle kid! The beginning of so much change and upheaval and thought!
To celebrate, I have made a video collage for each child as he or she has crossed the threshold of this important year. Starting at the beginning, I work forward in photos and video clips, setting the whole thing to a soundtrack of songs that have, for one reason or another, struck me as being about that child. It takes a year, give or take, to assemble the project. By the end the whole thing is so soaked in tears and emotion that by the time I finally offer up the final cut to the child, I feel as if I’ve labored all over again in the birthing of something I will cherish my whole life. Thankfully– so far, at least– each newly-minted ten year-old has loved that first viewing, ooohing and aaahing over a fast-forward journey through their whole life set to music.
As important as the images are (“This is where he threw a baseball for the first time. I remember that Superman shirt! Remember when she carried that bunny everywhere?”), it’s the music that follows us beyond the screen. Countless times, I have stood at the sink and heard the beginning strains of “a Mary Hannah song” on my Pandora station, or happened upon “a Jack song” while shopping for jeans in Old Navy.
It happened again Monday; en route to a quick errand with just one child, I happened upon “a Mathaus song.” It was Sidewalk Prophet’s “The Words I Would Say.” Before I could even help myself, I was transported back five years (five years, already!) and the boy occupying the shotgun seat beside me, chatting about enrolling in Driver’s Ed and his upcoming 15th birthday, was ten again.
See, five years ago, this young man was, well … a different kid. Mathaus battled an inescapable shyness, an almost paralyzing anxiety, and a great fear of the unknown. He’d come out of a childhood defined largely by sensory processing issues and the learning of coping skills into a season marked by a decided lack of self-confidence. He was also sweet, kind, generous, and empathetic to a fault. The combination resulted in a breathtaking heart so vulnerable and soft to the world that I found myself on my knees daily, beseeching God that a supernatural dose of strength be bestowed on my fragile-seeming boy.
I knew he was created for great things. But would he ever feel bold enough to stand up and claim the purpose God had laid out for his life? I just wasn’t sure.
The first time I heard “The Words I Would Say,” I found myself sobbing. The things I had been praying for Mathaus– so gentle, so easily bruised by the hurts of the world– in song form, perfectly. Oh, my heart.
So the song ended up in his video. And over the years, as I have heard it, I have used it as a prayer of sorts, asking God that He remind my son of all those things. God’s got His hand on you. Don’t live life in fear. Take your time and pray.
Monday, as I looked to my right at the smiling, confident young man by my side, I felt an answer to five years of prayer.
Like Jesus in Luke 2:52, Mathaus has grown in both wisdom and stature. He has also grown in spirit. No longer timid, no longer unsure of His ability to to stand strong in the things that matter, Mathaus has matured into a young man who has retained his kindness and empathy while gaining the strength to make those traits even more useful in God’s kingdom through a desire to walk in justice.
As we pulled into the parking lot and I wiped away the tears, Mathaus gave me his trademark smirk.
“You o.k.?” he asked.
“Yep,” I answered. “Just thinking of a little boy I once knew.”
He raised his eyebrows at me then, the same move he’s held in his arsenal of cute faces since he was a toddler.
“I’m not all that big. Yet,” was his reply.
And I knew he was right. Because although five years have passed, that prayer still has a lot of mileage left in it. God’s not finished with him yet.
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You’re gonna do great things
I already know-Sidewalk Prophets, “The Words I Would Say”