I don’t know about you, but I spent the first years of marriage and motherhood climbing a steep learning curve. Why? Because despite having a college education, I had no clue how to slice a watermelon. I didn’t know what the best cleaning agent was to really de-grime my sink. And I certainly had no idea how to put that button back on my husband’s work shirt.
Based on my own lack of experience, I decided early on that my children wouldn’t be let out of the gate without the ability to actually navigate life without me. It’s not that I don’t want to hear from them regularly in the months after they leave the nest… it’s just that I’d rather those calls be about real, meaningful stuff instead of me cataloging how to get tomato stains out of your favorite white t-shirt.
That being said, these are the 7 top things that I work towards with my kids as signs of readiness for independent living. Please keep in mind: these aren’t chores. It’s not an assigned task, like taking out the trash. These are long-term teaching goals that we engage in on a daily basis, making them just “part of what you do.”
1. Cooking. And no, I don’t mean reheating frozen entrees, scrambling eggs, or opening a can of soup. You know why that stereotype of kids surviving college on Top Ramen and microwave burritos exists? Because most of them can’t cook. My goal is for my kids to have their own repetoire of healthy, homemade, go- to meals… As well as the ability to grab any recipe and go to work. My older kids all know the basics (how to bake just about anything, make a decent pot roast, whip up a chili, roast a chicken, etc.). As time goes on, we just add to the range of experience. No excuse for not knowing how to feed yourself! (And at that point, if you still want to live on Ramen, more power to you.)
2. Shopping for groceries. If you want to cook it, you have to buy it first. Our kids shop alongside us at every trip. We teach them how to read labels, research ingredients, compare prices, and navigate sales. They also know how to decide when homemade is the best option (tip: pretty much always). We’re also kooky about GMOs, organics, and whole foods, so they have inherited that weirdness, too. You’re welcome, guys.
3. Mending. My goal is for all of our children to know how to sew before they leave home; at the bare minimum, being able to replace buttons, tack hems, and put minor tears to rights. I’d really love it if they mastered the sewing machine. So far, two down.
4. Cleaning. Really cleaning. Tidying is a given. Cleaning is another thing altogether. I still remember showing my überintelligent husband how to scrub a toilet. Why?!? It’s not rocket science. But he had never done it before. Before you leave my house, you must be proficient at cleaning tubs, handwashing dishes, scouring tile, and disinfecting countertops… along with the 50 million other little housekeeping duties you’re going to encounter as a grown up. Because not knowing? Ewww.
5. Basic health. Beyond hygiene, we’ve got the importance of exercise and nutrition, as well as the science of knowing, “This will bruise and needs arnica,” and, “My head is pounding and my vision is blurring, I should seek medical attention.” I can’t shove a whole lifetime of knowledge into their beans before they move out, but I can give them some pointers on the biggies and rest assured that no one will bleed to death simply out of a lack of knowledge.
6. Washing clothes. Yes, I like my laundry done a certain way. But I’ll take a couple of ruined shirts and a kid who knows how to bleach an load of whites over perfectly folded jeans and a kid who has no clue when to use hot water versus cold. Laundry is a family affair here primarily because everyone, everywhere needs to know how to get it done. Might as well get started now.
7. Make minor repairs. Faucet’s leaking? Door knob is loose? Carpet tack poking through? You can ignore it … or you can take a couple of minutes to take care of it. Having the right tools on hand is an obvious need, but beyond that, it’s often just knowing what to do that takes away the procrastination factor in most home maintenance. I want my kids to not feel intimidation as they approach a toilet that starts running at midnight.
Do you have a list of “must know” items that you work on with your children? What’s on it?
Can I come be one of your kids?
I left my parents’ home knowing NONE of that list. I’ve taught myself pretty well with regard to a few items, and I can manage the basics of the rest, but seriously, I wish I knew someone who could tutor me. Your kids are blessed to have a mom who’s teaching them these things from a young age.
I didn’t know 90% of it, either! My poor husband was quite the Guinea pig in more than one area. He can tell you about the time I decided to add a little something the to lasagna I was so carefully making for HIM. Let’s just say, thyme is not oregano. Lol
Yest to all the above and one I would add is how to set up for when you’re sick. We do a “sick bag” (paper bag with a plastic garbage bag liner, tissues, bowl for getting sick into, hot water bottle, cold washrag, blanket & pillow and a sheet spread out over the couch, thermometer & necessary medicines out for easy use. I find taking care of myself and others so much easier when I have everything prepped and know how to treat each symptom properly.
Brilliant!
I’m with Deborah – I want to be one of your kids! 🙂 I’m working on those things too, but you’re right – it’s tough when you don’t have the skills already yourself!
Great post! What a blessing they have YOU! 🙂 Camille