A small thing

This is a sponsored post on behalf of Element Associates and Midlife Boulevard. 

The most painful part even now, three years after my Papaw passed, is that I was not with him in his last years. Even though I know how hard — crazy hard— it would have been to be the one there, day in and day out, my heart still wishes it was me.

My grandfather had a stroke. And heart attacks (multiple). And Alzheimer’s. And a host of other physical needs that I realized, when I visited, meant that his caregivers —my Mamaw, father, and uncles— had to be on duty 24/7, 7 days a week. They met his needs for a decade and a half, with little outside assistance and so much love.

One evening, about a year before he passed, I sat with my Mamaw as Papaw dozed in his chair. We both watched him, quiet now despite his earlier agitation and disorientation. He seemed so peaceful there, in his familiar space.

“Are you o.k.?” I asked her, seeing her shoulders sag.

“I’m tired, youngin’,” she said, and I knew she meant not only that moment, but that life. That whole huge job of keeping him safe, and clean, and fed, and entertained, and doctored.

This is the job of a caregiver, and it is not for those who lack in love. It is heart work in the truest sense, and for that reason, I am honored to share the AARP Random Acts of Kindness for Caregivers campaign.

The ask is so, so simple: look around you. Find someone whose days are spent in the service of others. Bless them.

Offer them respite. Bring them a coffee. Accompany them to a medical appointment. Offer to pick up items at the store for them. Paint that room they can’t get to. Ask them how they’re holding up.

I didn’t count it a kindness at the time (more along the lines of “the least I can do”) but during my visits to my grandparents, I always took on the shopping, the cooking, the dishes, the laundry. Small details I manage on a much larger scale in my own life that seemed to maybe take just an ounce or two off that heavy load my family shouldered daily in my absence.

It wasn’t much. But it helped. And when I got home and checked in with Mamaw, I always heard, “Thanks for doing so much.” So much? A few casseroles, some folded underwear, and a fridge with fresh milk?  It was such a small thing.

And that’s how random acts of kindness work. A little effort on your behalf, a huge blessing on theirs.

AARP says:

Almost three in ten people who are caring for someone say their life has changed with caregiving, oftentimes for the negative. More than one in five say their weight, their exercise, or their social life has/have suffered.  Emotionally, one in five say they are generally unhappier and one in three say they feel sad or depressed.  That’s why AARP created a community where caregivers can connect with experts and other caregivers and can find information and tools to take even better care of the person who once took care of them.

Between now and March 15, 2016, share your story with AARP and you’ll be entered to win a prize from a $10,000 pot. Even more importantly, you’ll be part of lightening the load of a person who serves in great love in a time of great need. And who doesn’t want to be a part of that?