Next to him Shallum the son of Hallohesh, the official of half the district of Jerusalem, made repairs, he and his daughters. ~ Nehemiah 3:12
Of my children, I have mostly boys. Two of them have reached the age where when they ask to help their dad, they actually are helpful! You know what I mean. I love my littlest boys, but I certainly know that if they ask to help me with a chore or task, it’s going to take twice as long, I’m going to get frustrated and finally send them on their way so that I can actually get the work done.
But not so with my older boys. Just the other day, I basically let the two of them put together a set of bunk beds while I supervised. I think they could have done it without me. And the oldest one was champing at the bit to put together a set of shelves I had purchased several months prior but wasn’t quite a high enough priority for me.
It’s easy to find things to do with my boys. It’s never difficult to call for one of them and say, “Bring me my hammer and tape measure and come help me with this repair.” I know they’ll come in a heartbeat.
That’s not always been the case with my girls. When they’re little, they get a pass for not wanting to help their dad. And as they’ve gotten older, I’m probably to blame for not going out of my way more often to see if they want to help with the manly (I use this term loosely!) tasks that must get done or go with me when I need to go out. It’s just too easy to take the boys.
But when we look at Nehemiah, we see a great example of a man who makes a point of repairing part of Jerusalem’s wall with his daughters while the rest of the men are out fixing their parts of the wall with their sons.
I’ve always found this passage eye-catching because, let’s face it, it’s out of the ordinary from what we typically see in the Old Testament. When genealogies are written or counts are taken, the women are rarely mentioned, but here, Nehemiah has taken the time to point out Shallum and his daughters’ part in rebuilding the wall.
This is interesting to me because I don’t think anybody would have blamed Shallum, ruler of a half-district of Jerusalem, for working alone, figuring he has no sons (a safe assumption since none are mentioned). But no, this influential man in Jerusalem will not be outdone in his duty to the Lord, and so he decides a day (and in the case of rebuilding, weeks) with his daughters is better than a day alone.
I’ve often wondered how they felt. Did they go willingly? Did they think that here was a chance to do something different for a stretch rather than their typical womanly chores? The text doesn’t say, but I think that whatever their initial reaction, by the time they’re in the swing of things, here’s an opportunity for dad and daughters to bond in a way that no father and son could — and during an historic time in the Israelites’ history. They know this is something special.
For years, the Israelites have been scattered in exile, only recently having returned to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple, as told in the book of Ezra. Now, with the Israelites beginning to live again in Jerusalem, neighboring peoples are a bit unhappy about this restrengthening (remember, the Israelites at one point had conquered all their neighbors). Nehemiah knows he must get the wall rebuilt to solidify his people once again before the Lord. This is the culmination of their return.
So each man is called to his own part of the wall. “The Fish Gate was rebuilt by the sons of Hassenaah,” “Meremoth, son of Uriah, the son of Hakkoz, repaired the next section,” “Malkijah son of Harim and Hasshub son of Pahath-Moab repaired another section,” and so it continues with Shallum, who “made repairs, he and his daughters.”
I know that men and women were created differently and that God has given each different purposes so that when they do marry, they will complement each other in a way that the Lord will truly bless. But this doesn’t mean a dad can’t spend quality time with his daughters, especially before they marry.
It can seem hard to find the time to plan an outing that will be of significance to a daughter. As men, we’re often not quite sure what they will like. I get the impression that Shallum is comfortable enough with his daughters that it’s completely natural for him to ask them to help him rebuild the wall.
How do I know? Well, would you ask your daughter to rebuild one of the most important parts of the city at a critical time in this people’s history if you weren’t sure she could do the work? Exactly. Neither would I.
Yet, think what Shalom has shown his daughters. Here they’ve seen their father, one of the leaders of Jerusalem, step right up when it was time to rebuild the city rather than sit back and let others do all the work (Look for the lazy men of Tekoa in Nehemiah). Shallum has given them an example of a strong work ethic as well as a lesson in how important it is to spend time with your daughters.
The point here is that we mustn’t be afraid to spend time with our daughters, and the younger they are when we start, the more comfortable we’ll all be when they’re older. I need to make sure I’m spending as much time with them as possible. I think part of the reason this is important is because God expects me to not only be a good, strong father, but also to teach my children what it means to be a loving man.
I think I do a pretty good job as a father. I work hard, I try hard, and I love my family to no end. I want my daughters (and sons) to see as much of me in these moments as they can so that when the time comes for them to marry, there will be no question as to what kind of man they should expect God to bring them.
I’ve always tried to have special days for just the two of us. Once, I got front-row seats to see the Lipizzaner stallions perform. Another time, I took one to see her very first rock concert. Still another time, I stood in the rain with one daughter, waiting to see Paul McCartney at a book signing because she loves the Beatles.
I still read out loud to my daughters. We still get pizza and ice cream together, and when one was a member of a local 4-H rabbit club, I was the one who went and helped at the meetings.
Because of all this time we’ve spent together, just recently, when I needed a hammer to fix one of her rabbit cages, it wasn’t one of the boys that I called. It was one of my daughters, just like Shallum and his girls.
Today’s piece was taken from Christopher’s book “Raising Daughters.” It is a companion piece to his other book “Raising Sons.” While written to dads, these books make a great family read, complete with Bible readings, study questions and prayerful reflection. From now until Father’s Day, both are available at a discount price by clicking here.
