Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? ~ 2 Corinthians 6:14
I’ve been riding the bus to and from work for years now, and while I find it more relaxing than commuting by car each day (not to mention the money saved on parking and gas), I must say, some days I would prefer the quiet of my own vehicle rather than be bothered by someone else’s very loud conversation. It’s not so much a matter of eavesdropping as it is that some people are just plain noisy or they really want to be overheard for the attention.
During a bus ride from work one evening, however, I couldn’t help but listen to a young woman begin a conversation with a young man, both of whom were sitting behind me. It was clear the two were together and later more clear they intended to marry. The woman began to discuss a friend with whom she’d just finished a very loud phone conversation while the young man dozed.
“Oh, it’s so exciting,” she said, waking him up. “They’ve been together about a year now. He’s 29 and she’s 21, but they’re talking about marriage and having children.”
Uh-huh, the young man responded, no eye contact, completely uninterested.
“Yes, children. She really wants to have them, but he doesn’t. She’s really hoping he changes his mind.”
At which point, if I wasn’t going to ask her to tone it down, I should have at least pointed out that this would not be a match made in heaven. For while it’s possible the man in question might some day want children, the current difference in opinion seemed serious enough to warrant second thoughts about any marriage between this phantom man and woman. Say he doesn’t change his mind. Won’t the wife forever be disappointed? Won’t she perhaps have missed an opportunity that God would lay before her? Won’t she hold it against him, and won’t he then hold that against her?
I think most of you would agree that when two people decide to marry, whether to have children should be a point of agreement. Faith should be another.
Paul exhorts us in 2 Corinthians not to consider anyone suitable for our daughters unless they too are strong Christian men, let alone agree on whether to have children. “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). “What harmony is there between Christ and Belial or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:15)”
At first blush, Paul’s passage seems harsh, almost unfair. There must be plenty of successful, happy marriages out there between people of different religions or no religion at all. And there are — by worldly standards that is.
From the beginning God warns his people not to intermarry with other tribes, not on the basis that they are from a different culture, but because they worship false gods. The prophet Malachi takes the Israelites to task because the entire kingdom has accepted this practice. “Judah has broken faith,” it reads in Chapter 2, New International Version (NIV). “Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the Lord loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god.” The prophet continues, “May the Lord cut him off.” He’s serious because this is serious.
We see time and time again that when the Israelites forget God’s warning and begin to marry women from other tribes, they forgot about the true God, fall into idolatry, and even begin sacrificing their own children before a false god named Molech.
Jesus knew then as much as He knows now that one of the easiest ways to be swayed from your own belief is to be with someone who doesn’t believe at all or only peripherally believes in His saving grace. Christ said, “He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters” (Matthew 12:30).
But what exactly does it mean to be bound together, or as the NIV puts it, equally “yoked?”
My children asked me this one day while we were reading 2 Corinthians. They wanted to know where the phrase had originated. I explained to them that Paul was using a metaphor that most people of the day would have understood. When you plow your field with two or more animals, it’s important to make sure the two are of equal strength. This is being “equally yoked.” If one is stronger than the other, the plow will pull to the right or the left, making it hard, if not impossible, to keep a straight line. If you don’t pay close enough attention, you could be plowing in circles!
Each year during our county fair, my older children and I have fun attending one of the draft horse shows. My favorites are the clydesdales. They are one of the smaller breeds of draft horses, but averaging 2,000 pounds each, when you hitch two or as many as six of them together to pull a wagon, you’d better make sure they’re all walking in stride. Not only will the harnesses and yokes break, but it can cause the wagon to tip over and the driver to be crushed.
We came close to witnessing this one year. One horse pulled harder than the others, causing a total collapse of the system. While some of the horses stopped, others began to sprint, and the wagon tipped over, very nearly injuring the driver. So you can see how important it is to yoke together animals — especially animals you’d use to plow — of similar strength.
The same applies to marriage. If we are raising our daughters to be strong Christian wives, then only a strong Christian husband will do, or she will be pulled off course. We know from reading Genesis that God created marriage so that a man and a woman become united as one. When you’re united, like a team of horses, it’s difficult to do your own thing unless you pull harder. The result is either a stronger pull from the other person, which eventually causes friction, or less resistance so as not to tip the wagon. With men traditionally the head of the household, Christian women who marry men of other faiths or no faith at all will often choose the path of least resistance.
A 1994 study conducted by the researchers Werner Haug and Phillipe Warner of Switzerland’s Statistics Office on regular church attendance proves this. According to the study, the father was the determining factor in whether a child attended church once they were grown.
If both attended regularly, then 33 percent of their children regularly attended church while another 41 percent were irregular. If the father was irregular but the mother went to church every Sunday, only 3 percent of the children attended regularly while another 59 percent were irregular.
Finally, if the father was considered non-practicing, yet the mother was a regular churchgoer, only 2 percent of children attended church regularly while another 37 percent were irregular.
My wife and I have watched as a Christian friend has allowed her faith to cool tremendously during the past few years, and the only thing that I can point to in her life that is different is the man she has married. He does not share her belief in Christ. Oh, it’s not that he purposely keeps her from attending church or persecutes her when she opens her Bible. He’s willing to let her do “her thing” as long as it doesn’t involve him.
God knew that all faiths then were not equal. They still aren’t, and they never will be. He also knew the dangers of marrying a man of different, little or no faith. It leads to children who doubt their Creator’s existence, have little to no relationship with Him and wander through their lives believing falsely that they can make it without His gift of salvation. For this, the wages of sin is death.
Here is where we fathers enter the picture. One, we must be a strong example of what it means to be a Christian husband and father. We must show our daughters what they should expect of a man who will step into the role that we have played all these years. Assuming that we are raising strong Christian women, then any young man you allow your daughter to see or consider as a suitable spouse must be just as strong if not stronger in his own walk with God. If you’re allowing or going to allow your daughters to date (and I must say I have extremely strong reservations about casual dating), then it’s important to begin this practice from the beginning.
Also, assuming that our daughters look to us for answers, we must be willing to explain how important being equally yoked is to us as their parents and that it should be of utmost importance to them. Talk to them about Paul’s meaning in 2 Corinthians and make sure they understand that the Israelites weren’t just led astray overnight. Being just one degree off course during a years-long journey is enough to keep you from your ultimate destination.
Paul continually reminds us that while we live in the world, we are not of the world, meaning that while we may be on this planet for a time, it is not our final destination and should never be considered our home. Should the Lord’s grace fall upon us, Heaven is the place that we will some day call home and so should your daughter and her equally yoked husband.
Today’s piece was taken from Christopher’s book “Raising Daughters.” It is a companion piece to his other book “Raising Sons.” While written to dads, these books make a great family read, complete with Bible readings, study questions and prayerful reflection. From now until Father’s Day, both are available at a discount price by clicking here.
