Stereotypes. Every niche has one. The Working Mom. The Homeschooling Mom. The Sports Dad. The Social Justice Warrior. The Pastor’s Wife. We all fit under one umbrella some way or another, and while we know that we don’t fit the label others might slap on us, we can still buy into the ones we see sticking to others.
I’m a mom of a large family. You probably have a picture of what that looks like. But here are my takes on the mold:
Having a Large Family Doesn’t Make Me a Saint… or a Sinner
Truth is, I was both before I had my first child, let alone my ninth. Believing in Jesus in what gives me standing amongst the saints, grounds me and keeps me sane: not the number of stockings I fill each Christmas Eve. Conversely, I’m pretty sure I’ve not wronged either God or man through my fecundity or openness to adoption. If you’re going to judge me, please get beyond the number of people gathered in our family photo, spend some time with me, and make your determination of my character based on the fruit you see in my life and relationships.
I’m (Probably) Not Available To Babysit Your Kids
This one gets prickly. I know it isn’t just me, because my friends with many kids often share about the same situation. We already have a heck ton of kids… what are two more, right? Truth be known, if I can make it happen, I will. My younger kids enjoy the interaction and they get along swimmingly with the children of 99% of my friends. (Shocking, I know.) But guys, I do have a family to manage here. A pretty busy one, at that. Dishes to wash, kids to educate, a husband who expects his dinner sometime before he turns in for the night. In a particularly hectic season of being the open door Momma, I had to make an actual policy of prioritizing the needs of our crew (except in cases of obvious need) and not taking on more than I can handle in a given day. I felt such peace about it that I never went back to saying yes to all comers. I’m never offended when people ask if I can help out, and I encourage them to do so… but hopefully they aren’t offended if I say no.
Actually, I’m An Introvert
I know I’m surrounded by people from sun up to sun down. I know I talk, talk, talk and hug, hug, hug, and am on from the minute my feet hit the floor. But guess what? I’m actually an introvert. I recharge in downtime, love silence, and am in my happy place when when it’s just me, my knitting, and a cup of something warm. Yet, God called me to live in community with a family. A large family, at that. Tell me He doesn’t have a sense of humor.
Sometimes I Feel Guilty
You know that list of reasons you have in your head for not having more kids? The concerns over time spent with each one, the ability to provide for college or curriculum or a family vacation, the question of the emotional toll on your older kids? I know this list. I know it, and yes, some days I agonize over it. I know very well the costs involved in raising this brood: financial, practical, physical, and spiritual. Usually the pros overwhelmingly outweigh the cons in my mind, but I have moments where I find myself questioning, too.
I Don’t Expect My Kids To Be Robots
Nine people can share some similarities, sure. But they’re not carbon copies of one another. Far from it. Each one of our children is an individual, and each one has his or her special, Just Me-sized spot in the family. Some like art, some like cooking, some would love to get their hands on a car engine. All of that’s perfectly expected— and encouraged. How boring would life be if we were all hard-wired for the same thing? I know there’s an image of a long line of kids all dressed in matching outfits, perfectly groomed, and all singing the soundtrack to the Sound of Music but well, that’s not us.
Sometimes, I Wonder Why Everyone Doesn’t Have a Large Family
There are days that are glorious, you all. Just plain glorious. Days when I look around at the blessing of all these people and I can’t imagine just how boring my life would be with the absence of even a single one. These days were fewer when the bulk of my kids were tiny, but as they’ve grown, the moments when I literally tear up with the beauty of it all hit me more and more regularly. Yes, we’re a large family. But each and every one of these individuals is precious, and amazing, and completely and utterly loved by me.