We were given the gift of a family photo session during my in-law’s 50th anniversary weekend last month. Their photographer—a sweet young mother— not only did the large group shot of all 19 family members, but individual sub-groupings as well.
We had a family photo, our first in years, done last April. But while I love it, I was happy enough to replace it for purely selfish reasons. It was the first cringe I felt in recognizing my weight issues last year. I remember seeing the final images and not wanting to look at myself, but instead concentrating on all the other beaming faces beside me. It wasn’t until the candids of Mathaus’ graduation that I was shaken from my malaise, but the family photos I had wanted for so long were a reminder of where I had been… and I really didn’t feel sad at the suggestion that we could replace them so quickly.
I have to say, I in love with the new version.
No, I’m not a size 8. I never will be, and that’s ok. But I think my face reflects so much better how I feel, and I’m pretty happy to see the results of a year of hard work hanging on my wall.
Also, thanks to Babita now being officially married, I don’t feel like she’s “missing” from the photo. The reality is that even if she had lived under our roof until the night before her wedding, this is the sub-group we’d have. She’d get her own. Just like she gets to send out her own Christmas cards this year. Life has moved forward. And I accept the ending of one season and the birth of the new one.
Seeing this image of us, as we were in August, 2019, makes me ponder so much about where my family is right now. Look at those young adults, ready to step out into God’s calling. Mary Hannah is poised. Mathaus is confident. Jack is eager. Look at all those once-little kids, now just a head shorter than me. Phin is happy. John Mark is ready for what’s next. Birdie is glowing. And my sweet, cherry-on-top boys? They’re not the babes I see them as. They’re full-fledged kids—capable, adventurous, and not really in need of my babying tendencies. Goofy Simon, industrious Jude.
It’s hard not to squint my eyes and imagine our family photo five, ten years from now. More children will go on to their own sub-groups, of course. This core “us” will dwindle. I’ll be the one hoping for a big group opportunity some day, trying to arrange everyone in the same place and time. I have no idea where we’d stage that, because I’m praying it has to be shot as a panorama to fit in all of my grandkids. But who knows? Only God, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
For today, I’m going to sit here and enjoy this moment in time, captured on a blisteringly hot August afternoon. I’m going to wrap myself in these smiles, and enjoy the beauty that is my family as it is right here, right now. The silly, the fun, the sad, the hard, the poetic masterpiece of a family living together and growing together. What an amazing thing to have summed up in a single image.