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“I’m tired of the fighting.”
“I think they’ve bickered for a month straight.”
The past few weeks have found all of us in close quarters, day after day, with so much of our purpose stripped down to the bone. It’s the perfect recipe for conflict between everyone, but most especially siblings.
I’ve heard from several friends desperately seeking relief from the squabbles that keep erupting in their houses; someone, somewhere told them my kids don’t fight. Ha! Obviously, that’s not true. What is true is that my kids have more playmate combinations than your average family offers, which allows those siblings who find themselves in seasons of not getting along quite as well to find someone else with whom to spend their time. It’s a subtle difference, but an important one to remember when you’re thinking anyone, anywhere has it all together. They probably don’t.
Having said that, I do like to continue to force my “oil and water” sibling combinations to encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11), because God did choose to put them in the same family, so clearly, He wants them to find commonality as they grow. Also, I’ve found that those siblings who may not be the tightest often change their minds as they get older, or have one of those complicated, “we fight, but I’ll fight anyone who fights you,” relationships that leads to strong adult ties. So no… you can’t just ignore the brother who drives you batty. He’s your brother. Period.
Because open-ended play is likely to end poorly, I orchestrate those one-on-one moments in the hardest seasons. Pulling my argument-prone kids aside, I offer them one of these activities to do together. No other siblings, just the two most likely to tiff. I stay involved for a bit, making sure the stage is set for success. Then I remove myself from the equation and allow them to enjoy one another’s company. Before they tire of the activity, I end it. This is key. Always cut it off while they’re still on good terms to make sure the last thing they remember about this window of time together is positive.
These are the three most successful team-building activities I’ve used in my home with squabbling siblings:
- Exquisite Corpse Drawing. Ok, this sounds awful. And I have no idea where the name came from, but no, it isn’t gruesome. It’s simply a fun drawing exercise that uses a single sheet of paper, folded over and slit to create flaps that your children can use to build their own fantastical or funny creature. This activity is so successful because it allows each personality to shine, and still creates a single product that shows off their cooperation. At the end of the session, I have an opportunity to explain that what made their drawing so unique and fun was that they brought their differences to the table, worked together, and produced something amazing. It’s a fantastic allegory for how God uses our unique personalities and gifts to build His Kingdom.
- Cooperative Board games. We have a wide selection of games kids play as one, rather than competitively. For the very youngest kids, My First Orchard is a sweet, goal-themed game. As they get older, Family Pastimes has some splendid cooperative games. Harvest Time and Caves and Claws are two of our favorites. More advanced kids will enjoy one of the Forbidden Island variations, or Pandemic.
- Two-as-one games. Whether it’s an old-fashioned three-legged race, a variation that requires them to complete an obstacle course bound together, or something as simple as tying a right hand to a left and then having them fold towels (which will erupt into a mass of giggles, I promise you), being forced to think as one is an excellent team-building tool for kids who have a hard time seeing one another as being on equal footing.
If you’ve got squabblers today, try one of these activities during a lull in the schedule. Maybe it will be the ticket to beginning the process of binding together siblings and bringing a little peace to your afternoon!