Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. —Titus 2:3-5
One of the best things that ever happened to me, as a wife and a mother, was finding a group of women whose feet are a few steps farther down life’s path.
Friends in the same season of life are wonderful. My best friend and I met as young wives and mothers. Between us, we had four children, and she was newly pregnant. She was not yet a believer, and I was just entering a place in my own faith where the walls of compartmentalized living were crumbling away. The last thirteen years have seen our collective brood blossom to 15, and both of us have discovered deeper walks with Christ than we ever dreamed of pursuing.
We have empathized, commiserated, encouraged, reproached, rejoiced, mourned, instructed, and loved. Even now, with more than 2,000 miles separating us, we converse via text daily– a nod to the fact that Mommas don’t often have the time for an actual phone call while in the trenches. We “talk” about everything and anything.
But one thing we can’t talk about–not with any authority or certainty– is what’s next. Because the truth is, we’re only so far into this grand adventure of motherhood. We can speak volumes about the road behind. But the one ahead? We can only pray and hope and cast a vision that seems good to us.
That’s where other friends come in.
There’s the sweet momma who just welcomed another grand baby. Her youngest is still at home–so she’s straddle parenting like a pro– but her oldest has his own business, is married, and is now a daddy twice over. You want to know how to truly embrace sons- and daughters-in-law? You want to know how to accept the fact that you won’t get every holiday with your kids around your table? She’s your woman.
There’s the planning mom, whose kids have all flown, and whose wisdom in terms of the practical side of launching young adults is unparalleled. You want to know what course to chart as you nudge chicks from the nest? Shoot her a message.
There’s the wife who, 35 years in, is still head-over-heels for her husband. She’s a font of ideas about how to keep your marriage a priority in the midst, how to resolve conflicts, how to walk in unity and love with a person every bit as flawed as yourself. Need tips on how to love well in a hard season? Call her.
These women–and others like them– bring a richness to my understanding of what it means to fill the many roles on my plate now, as well as how to gracefully shift with the changing seasons as time marches, inevitably, forward. They help me remember that the tantrums are a short-lived season, that the behaviors that drive me batty in my elementary-aged kids can actually be strengths in adults, that focusing on my husband now equals an investment in the man I’ll have by my side long after my children have their own families to tend.
What about the other side? What about the women just starting out? The wives still writing thank you notes for china, the mothers with three kids three and under wondering if they will ever leave the house without two sippy cups, four changes of clothes, and a 50 pound stroller again?
I have something to offer them. I can mentor and encourage and exhort. God has put mileage on my odometer that might just bless them. But it’s not a one-way street. My friendships with those coming up behind me on the path fill me with a renewed optimism for my own journey. They remind me how exciting it was to start homeschooling, how thrilling it was to can that first batch of jam, how satisfying it felt when I struggled with a fork in the road and finally settled on the direction I would take in parenting, in life, in faith.
Living out the admonition of Titus 2 means drawing near to the women who have wisdom to share and having a teachable spirit. Not every woman older than yourself will be the kind you ought to emulate. Age alone doesn’t qualify as wisdom. Use discernment. Her life doesn’t need to appear perfect (if it does, run!) but it should be the kind of real, if messy, work in progress that shows a heart for Jesus, a desire to be sanctified, and an understanding that the joys and pains of her own life have value to others when lovingly passed on as lessons in a mutual friendship.
Titus 2 also means paying it forward. It means seeking out those in need of encouragement and cheering them on as they discover what it means to mature into the next seasons of their lives. It means passing on practical skills, giving perspective, and listening to struggles without judgement. The hardest part? Not being the voice of “I told you so,” or simply dismissing concerns based on your own experiences– because Titus 2 doesn’t say we shame or snark or guilt our younger sisters as they learn what it means to love their husband, their children, their homes. It says we encourage. We guide. We shine the light of our experiences– good and bad– and we love on them as they follow the unique walk Christ has prepared for them.
The outline of Titus 2– the sweet sisterhood of support God planned for us– not only brings God glory, but it brings us a precious gift as well: friends. Friends who hold our hands, share our victories, build us up, cry with us, and exhort us to continue on in doing good. Our lives are made even more rich when we weave women from all seasons of life into our circle of trusted counsel.